F Hi. I'm Angie and I have an opinion. I was at the Marilyn Manson show and found it rather disappointing. They played absolutely nothing from their first albums except for the two biggest songs, "Beautiful People" and "Sweet Dreams." All they played was their new shit and I don't know, man, it just wasn't the same. I thought he loved us, Montreal! I really thought he did! God, how could I have paid $50 for that? Okay, I'm gonna go SACRIFICE something now. [BLEEP!]

M For that guy who wants to know if there's a funk scene in Montreal. I know of one band that plays a lot at Le Swimming called Kobayashi who play some really sweet funk. Drop by. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, Popping Locking with your hip hop breakdance classes, I took down all your posters you put up on the freshly painted lamp posts on Sherbrooke near Lafontaine Park on Tuesday, July 29. Don't ever do that again in my neighbourhood. My taxpayer money is being spent to clean up after you and it could be better if you would just stop littering the streets with posters that no one is reading anyway. [BLEEP!]

M My rant is about crack. I am 26 years old and I was VALEDICTORIAN, involved in public speaking, and all of my speeches were about anti-drugs. And isn't it ironic that the student who promoted not smoking is the one who ended up being the biggest CRACKHEAD in Montreal. To other people in my boat right now, who are dealing with the same thing and have no way out for help - other than going down to the Salvation Army and meeting up with 50-year-old homeless people - keep the faith, keep your head up and I hope you succeed. This is not a funny thing. What happened to our dreams? What happened to what we believed we would be? I never thought at all that I'd end up being a crackhead, but that's life. [BLEEP!]

M Well, gee, another WTO meeting and another few hundred people arrested. Oh boy, things are just progressing really well, eh? Jaggi Singh, look, dude, you are in the middle of every fucking protest and it doesn't matter what the protest is, you're there and right in the middle - from Newfoundland to fucking B.C. What does it get you? It gets you nowhere. Where does it get the protesters? Nowhere. Get it through your head - you can protest, you can write, you can yell and scream but ain't nobody listening to you. They don't give a fuck what you have to say or think. If you want change, it's gonna take radical action. DIRECT ACTION. [BLEEP!]

M I'm calling about the statue across from the Église Notre-Dame at Place d'Armes. It's pretty embarrassing. There's an illustration carved into the statue of the SLAUGHTER of the Iroquois by the Catholics and it has a bunch of tourists which are standing around admiring it which is pretty embarrassing for Montreal. I just was wondering if anybody else has noticed that that statue sucks. [BLEEP!]

M This is the original Pot Smoker calling. I left a message about smoking weed for 10 years and how it's kicked my ambition to shit. But after reading Boris's reply, I'd just like to point out the fact that I WAS a member of his party. I doubt he even remembers me, but I was an electable official for the Marijuana Party in Ottawa and the reason that I dropped out was because it was made up of a pathetic group of lazy pot smokers who have nothing better to do than waste their time trying to be stoned all the time. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, what's up, Montreal? I've got this question that I hope one of you all can answer for me. It's very simple. Where are all these stuffed shirt, right-wing conservatives coming from? Where are they popping up from? What's the deal? I always thought, evidently very foolishly, that Montreal's a pretty liberal place, but judging by the phone-in shows and, sure enough, the fucking Rant Line™, there are way too many right-wing fucking Ronald Reagan loving cocksuckers out there, like that little fucker who left his little anti-marijuana spewage. Where the fuck do you people come from? [BLEEP!]

M Hi. I've been living in Montreal for five years and it seems that every time I switch apartments, there is always someone with a CIRCULAR SAW following me around and starting it up, as you can hear [sound of circular saw in background] at 7:30 in the morning. Does anyone else have this problem? [BLEEP!]

M Hey, all this schoolgirl talk over the last few weeks made me realize one thing - there are no USED PANTIES SHOPS in Montreal, like the ones they have in Japan. I sure would love to get my hands on some pissed-in panties from a cute Japanese girl! Man, just think about it - the white cotton, the yellow-stained crotch, the perfume. They even have panty vending machines in Japan! Yup, Montreal definitely needs dirty panty shops. Any cutie who's into OMORASHI, please get back to me. [BLEEP!]

Next week: Open forum