OVERLOOKED EPIC: Public Enemies
Sure, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has a long and venerable tradition of rewarding the film community’s artistic accomplishments. But here at the Mirror, we’ve got an institution of our own, “honouring” the best in sexiness, disgusting-ness and general crappiness. The opinions of our distinguished voters, below!
MOVIE MOST OVERLOOKED BY THE ACADEMY
For the most part, a really close race, as four unjustly ignored movies get credit from Mirror readers. Surprisingly, Michael Mann’s equally praised and derided Dillinger epic takes the top spot, with James Gray’s Brooklyn love story hot on its heels.
24% Public Enemy
23% Two Lovers
22% Bright Star
20% Capitalism, A Love Story
11% Anvil: The Story of Anvil
MOST OVERLOOKED PERFORMANCE
Breakout female Basterd Laurent gets the most love from Mirror readers, with the also previously obscure Stuhlbarg, best known for his Broadway work, close behind. Sadly, Capaldi’s magnificently foul-mouthed political wheeler-dealer is left in the dust.
29% Mélanie Laurent, Inglourious Basterds
26% Michael Stuhlbarg, A Serious Man
19% Matt Damon, The Informant!
17% Nicolas Cage, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
9% Peter Capaldi, In the Loop
BEST SOUNDTRACK
Indie rock goddess Karen O’s Wild Things soundtrack takes the crown, but how would Mirror readers have voted if they’d realized that Richard Kelly’s barely seen The Box, in last place, featured a score from local heroes Arcade Fire? Much differently, we’d hazard.
40% Where the Wild Things Are
23% Michael Jackson’s This Is It
22% Fantastic Mr. Fox
8% The Limits of Control
7% The Box
BEST MALE BOD
It was the hour of the wolf for our readers as they voted for lycanthropic Twilight hunk Taylor Lautner in droves. Almost as popular: RDJ’s bare-chested Victorian sleuth.
38% Taylor Lautner, Twilight Saga: New Moon
33% Robert Downey Jr., Sherlock Holmes
14% Zachary Quinto, Star Trek
9% Sacha Baron Cohen, Brüno
6% Isaach de Bankolé, The Limits of Control
BEST FEMALE BOD
A predictable choice, but well, she kind of was everywhere last year, and for no other reason than her best-bodness (and propensity to compare Michael Bay to Hitler). Surprisingly, porn star Grey barely makes it onto the list.
41% Megan Fox, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
23% Zoe Saldana, Avatar
15% Lily Cole, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
11% Malin Akerman, Watchmen
10% Sasha Grey, The Girlfriend Experience
WORST PERFORMANCE
Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, John Turturro, Josh Duhamel: come on up to the podium and accept your statuette. Travolta, if it’s any compensation, you probably would have taken it on individual votes alone.
33% Everyone, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
28% John Travolta, Old Dogs
21% Sandra Bullock, All About Steve
12% Nicolas Cage, Knowing
6% Gerard Butler, The Ugly Truth
BEST GROSSOUT
You really can’t go “wrong” with a scene where your lead actor takes a pair of scissors to her own genitals. In this category, at least. Lars von Trier, you cheeky little devil, you’ve done it again.
39% Self-cliterectomy, Antichrist
28% Nazis get scalped, Inglourious Basterds
17% Drooly old lady, Drag Me to Hell
9% Transformer testicles reveal, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
7% Sliced and diced by a chain-link fence, The Final Destination
MOST OVERRATED MOVIE
Well, looks like Mirror readers are in tune with the Academy here, as front-runner Avatar, which was shut out of the major awards, gets their nod for most overhyped, followed by the critically praised Up in the Air. Surprisingly, the least acclaimed Best Picture nominee, The Blind Side, is a distant third.
36% Avatar
25% Up in the Air
20% The Blind Side
11% Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire
8% Invictus
BREAKOUT BASTERD: Mélanie LaurentBEST SEX SCENE
Best sex scene of the year? More like best scene of the year. von Trier’s mind-blowing explicit sex/death combo rightfully pulls ahead of James Cameron’s all-too-demure Pandora hook-up.
30% Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg in beautiful black-and-white slow-mo while their kid falls out the window, Antichrist
20% Sam Worthington and Zoe Saldana’s forest frolic, Avatar
19% George Clooney and Vera Farmiga get room serviced, Up in the Air
17% Joaquin Phoenix and Gwyneth Paltrow on a Brooklyn roof, Two Lovers
14% Malin Akerman and Patrick Wilson get it on in an airship, Watchmen
FUNNIEST FILM
Wow, this one wasn’t even close. Las Vegas romp The Hangover was far and away our readers’ favourite funny flick of 2009, taking in more votes than all the other comedies combined.
58% The Hangover
13% I Love You, Man
12% Zombieland
9% In the Loop
8% Funny People
TURKEY OF THE YEAR
I guess it really was Transformers’ year: Worst Performance for its ensemble cast and now this, the un-coveted Turkey award. But people must have really hated Year One, considering the percentage of votes it got and how few people actually saw it.
33% Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
23% Year One
17% Couples Retreat
15% Confessions of a Shopaholic
12% Knowing
AND NOW FOR THE REAL OSCARS…
We had us some smart voters this year. No fewer than eight individuals guessed the entire ballot correctly. So, through a process of random selection, Pedro Eggers takes the top prize, winning a double pass for each film from Sony Pictures releasing through December 2010. Second and third places go to Laura Ash and Laura-Alexandra Vrabie, respectively; the first Laura gets 10 DVDs from Alliance Vivafilm and the second gets a $100 gift certificate for Le Ryad.
But now for the really lucky contestant. Claude Chabot, you have been selected from the prestigious group of contestants with the lowest number of correct answers and are thus the winner of the third-ever Montreal Mirror Alternative Academy Awards Lucky Loser Booby Prize Bonanza! For picking NONE of the winners correctly, you receive a DVD prize pack consisting of Britney Spears doc Britney: For the Record (“No topic was off limits. No questions went unanswered”); fantasy film Franklyn (“Beyond reality, beyond fear, beyond imagination”); The Last Word (“A romantic comedy where opposites distract”); Kyle XY: Final Season (“Kyle is surprised by new feelings for Jessi”) and Disney Mickey Mouse Clubhouse: Minnie’s Bow-Tique (“Packed with the coolest bows and bow ties you’ve ever seen!”). Congratulations!
Ballots compiled by Jeffrey
Malecki, wise and knowing
commentary by Mark Slutsky |
