Montrealers

Montrealer Closest to Sainthood
1. Father Emmett “Pops” Johns
2. Leonard Cohen
3. Cristobal Huet
4. William Shatner
5. Frère André
6. Pierre Trudeau
7. Justin Trudeau
8. Saku Koivu
9. Bob Gainey
10. Celine Dion
Honourable mentions: Jean Beliveau • Sam Roberts

There isn’t much more to say about Pops, who runs the street-kid outreach organization Bon Dieu dans la rue and has been this category’s favourite for a long, long time. Cohen, who’s had better years, keeps his spot at number two, while new Montrealer Cristobal HU-ET! makes his debut—though bear in mind that the voting concluded before the Habs folded.

Montrealer Closest to Hell
1. Gérald Tremblay
2. Jean Charest
3. Karla Homolka
4. Guy Cloutier
5. Pierre Bourque
6. Jose Theodore
7. Celine Dion
8. Paul Martin
9. Brian Mulroney
10. Ben Mulroney
Honourable mentions: Mose Persico • Mom Boucher • Malik Shaheed

Politicians, perverts, criminals and media personalities dominate once again, although this year Canadian crime queen Karla Homolka blazes out of prison and into the third spot for the first time. Beware strange women drinking Tim Horton’s Iced Cappuccinos! Also appearing for the first time this year is one-time goaltending golden boy Theodore, whose broken heel, hair loss, criminal relatives and lousy play earned him a one-way ticket to Denver.

Most Desirable Man
1. Sam Roberts
2. Justin Trudeau
3. D.R. One
4. Leonard Cohen
5. Rufus Wainwright
6. Pierre Lapointe
7. Roy Dupuis
8. Sheldon Souray
9. Cristobal Huet
10. Plastik Patrik
Honourable mentions: Todd van der Heyden • Alexandre Despaties • Memo • Corneille

Sam Roberts takes the title for the third year running, Rufus (#2 last year) makes way for Justin, who moves up one spot, while DJ D.R. One and franco songsmith Lapointe make their debuts, as does a certain goaltender from Grenoble.

Most Desirable Woman
1. Elisha Cuthbert
2. Mitsou
3. Izabelle Desjardins
4. Mutsumi Takahashi
5. Virginie Coosa
6. Annie DeMelt
7. Caroline Néron
8. Jessica Paré
9. Magenta Baribeau
10. Karen Simpson
Honourable mentions: Melissa Auf der Maur • Celine Dion • Lil Tut • Orla Johannes

Mitsou and Elisha switch spots, proving, or not, that Montrealers rate attractiveness with international success. MusiquePlus VJ Desjardins returns with a vengeance after a year’s absence, while CFCF nails the newsbabe category with perennial favourites Mits and Annie, followed by vedette Caroline Néron. And for some reason, the horsefaced Dion returns again, although dropping from #8 to Honourable mention.

Best-dressed Montrealer
1. Corneille
2. Rufus Wainwright
3. Karen Simpson
4. Keith Dean
5. D.R. One
6. Maysr
7. Elisha Cuthbert
8. The Narcicyst
9. Magenta Baribeau
10. Lil Tut
Honourable mentions: Mado Lamotte • Justin Trudeau • Richard Zednik

Clothes maketh the man, it’s said, and if true, Corneille is da Man, taking the category for the first time. Rufus is nudged down one spot, with actress Simpson hard on his (very stylish) heels. Club DJ Keith Dean appears for the first time, as do fellow DJs D.R.one, Maysr, who makes the all-important crossover from Best Weirdo, and the Narcicyst, whose politicized hip hop proves that being concerned about the plight of Palestinians doesn’t prevent you from looking good. Fledgling hip hop diva Lil Tut makes her debut at #10.

Tackiest Personality
1. Mose Persico
2. Ben Mulroney
3. Mado Lamotte
4. Malik Shaheed
5. Ricky J
6. Celine Dion
7. Anne-Marie Losique
8. Jo-Jo Savard
9. Frank Cavallaro
10. Tasso
Honourable mentions: Mitsou • Orla Johannes • Éric Salvail • Sonia Benezra

Mosé manages to beat down young up-and-comer Mulroney for a second year, although the greasy-haired and insipid scion of our former PM doesn’t look to be backing down. Ricky J leaps up the tacky ladder to #5 from #10, while CFCF’s chubby, barbecue-loving weatherman Cavallero appears for the first time.

Best Montreal Weirdo
1. Hollywood (Banana Gun Guy)
2. Maysr
3. Mado Lamotte
4. Spoonman
5. Jack the bearded tricycle guy
6. Spiderman
7. The guy who plays flute with his nostrils
8. Great Antonio (RIP)
9. One-armed guy aka Stumpy
10. June Sixth
Honourable mentions: • Gérald Tremblay • Singing bus driver • Madness

Armed with his banana, Hollywood is a guy you normally wouldn’t want to get too close to, although dancehall DJ Maysr is giving it a go, rising a spot this year to second place. Nostril Guy’s rise to weirdness immortality is apace, breezing from Honourable Mention last year to #7, while the collective memory of the Late Great Antonio proves as long as his matted dreads.

Best Politician
1. A tie—none of them
2. Gérald Tremblay
3. Jean Charest
4. André Boisclair
5. Pierre Trudeau (RIP)
6. Jean Chrétien
7. Gilles Duceppe
8. Pierre Bourque
9. Richard Bergeron
10. Jack Layton
Honourable mentions: Stephen Harper • Paul Martin • Helen Fotopulos • Irwin Cotler • Mario Dumont

It is admittedly hard to adore the baby-kissers and glad-handers who run the province, but look, they have a tough job. Kudos to the mayor for getting re-elected, and with Charest and Boisclair close on each other’s tails, next year’s provincial election could be a doozy. Richard Bergeron of Projet Montréal is a new name here, with readers probably liking his position on sustainable development and public transportation more than his various conspiracy theories about 9/11 and the lunar landings.

Best Political/Social Cause
1. Environment
2. Legalizing marijuana
3. Dans la rue (homeless kids)
4. Affordable housing
5. Health care
6. Peace
7. AIDS
8. Gay rights
9. Homelessness
10. Education
Honourable mentions: Anti-war • Breast cancer • Poverty • Freedom

Last year’s student strikes took this category hands down last year, but crunchy granola types are powering up their vegetable-oil-fuelled cars to make some noise about the environment. Potheads remain vocal, if somewhat mellow, while the peace movement drops from #3 to #6. With Harper at the helm, maybe we’ll see it return to form next year.

Loudest Activist
1. Jaggi Singh
2. Students
3. Boris St-Maurice
4. Yves Engler
5. FRAPRU
6. Léo-Paul Lauzon
7. Tommy Schnurmacher
8. Amir Khadir
9. Samer Elatrash
10. Fathers 4 Justice
Honourable mentions: Grand Prix • Linda Sullivan • Lisa Shalom • Sterling Downy

Singh, who’s in trouble again following the police bust-up of a Palestinian poetry evening last month, returns to #1, pushing out the students. Fathers 4 Justice, famous for their bizarre costumes and annoying stunts, appear for the first time. Also appearing again is Samer Elatrash, who no longer really is an activist, but a writer for this paper.