Hot beef ingestion

Dic Anne's gives you a bang for your burger

by SARAH MUSGRAVE

A jewel in the crown of Montreal North, Dic Anne's has been serving a particular style of hamburger for the last 40 years. A hamburger so different from the usual fast food fare that it's worth making a trip out there to try it. I'd heard the restaurant's name mentioned with reverence several times, and I was lucky to have two good ole boys from Mo-No's inner circle show me the way to satisfaction in the suburbs. On a hot summer night, we packed up the car and drove to the far reaches of Pie-IX, stopping just a stone's throw from scenic Sir Wilfrid Laurier junior high.

I have a penchant for the design of roadside diners, so when I caught my first glance of Dic Anne's blazing pink neon sign, I was immediately smitten. The interior was just as pleasing in a kitschy sort of way: your basic yellow and brown fast food colour scheme, and a long counter with about 15 stools. There's a wall of fame dedicated to low-rent celebrities (Youppie, some blonde chick called Angel and the winner of a Colonel Sanders lookalike contest) and "big bills" of the past, wherein a check adding up to $595 is immortalized alongside a record sale of 500 burgers in 26 minutes, 32 seconds. There's also a framed photo of Michel Bergeron, ex-coach of the Quebec Nordiques and, appropriately, a heart attack survivor.

The menu is simple, but after one visit you'll be craving these cholesterol-laden hamburgers ($1.65), cheeseburgers ($2) or hi boys ($2, with lettuce and tomato). The burgers are so flat they look like they've been run over by a Mack truck: thin patties, thin buns, thin slices of cheese and a thin runny sauce with meat bits in it. As a result, they aren't so easy to pick up. You will want at least two, but I recommend ordering one at a time to decrease the sogginess factor.

As one of my friends pointed out repeatedly, "the secret is in the sauce." And it's true, it's not the sauce brune we all know and love, but a spicier, zestier concoction. Another dinner companion summed it up by saying, "You take a bite and it bites you back... with flavour!" Another, on ordering his third, commented, "It's a hamburger with less, but so much more."

If you're not already sold on the experience, I should mention that the fries are also great--thin, crisp and served in a little carton ($1.40). There's also poutine (made with the aforementioned sauce) and a newer creation called the L'Hambourghini that includes pepperoni... but I'd stick with the classics.

The paper menu features a detailed timeline of hamburger history. I guarantee you won't make it past 1885 before your order is slapped down in front of you--but don't worry, if your menu is illegible from grease stains at the end of the meal, the waitress will happily give you a fresh one so you can learn more about God's gift to gastronomy. Dic Anne's has two dates on the list: it first opened in 1954 and it set the world record for hamburgers served in an hour (1512) in 1997. Wow! The menu didn't explain how the restaurant got its name, so I had to ask. I got this illuminating response: "Someone called Dic and someone called Anne."

Well, Dic and Anne, listen up. I've already picked out a spot for a new, more convenient, location of your restaurant, on Peel below Ste-Catherine, the former site of some other burger joint that's not worth mentioning.

Dic Anne's

Address: 10910 Pie-IX, Montreal North (other locations in Laval, Anjou)

Phone: none

Hours: open for lunch 'til 8pm weekdays, 'til 10pm weekends

Best features: meat burgers, meat sauce

Vegetarian friendly: not even close

Wheelchair access: no

Alcohol: no

Credit cards: yes

Price: $6/person including tax, without drinks or tip

Rating: HHH out of HHHH