Back in the mid-'80s, in Toronto's Kensington Market, sat one of Canada's most famous punk houses and boozecans, Fort Goof. Even the rotting fish carcasses and spoiled vegetables littering Kensington's Walmer Street couldn't compete with the Fort's inhabitants--punk band Bunchofuckingoofs and assorted decrepit drunks--for sheer disgustipation.

You would have to forge a path through broken bicycles and follow the sounds of hardcore (usually the Crucifucks) to make it up the iron steps to the Fort. It was at the bottom of these very steps that I once found myself unconscious and bleeding one night after too many Valiums washed down with too many Molson Ex tall boys. What a place.

Proving that you can't keep a good Goof down, I talked with BFG singer Crazy Steve on his cell phone as he was picking through the garbage on Toronto's Queen Street.

Mirror: Hey, do you remember that night you threw that guy off of the roof after he headbutted me?

Crazy Steve: No, but I do remember you passed out at the bottom of my steps after you were trying to put AC/DC on the stereo.

M: Yeah, that's why I don't do pharmaceuticals anymore. Tell me how Fort Goof started.

CS: Well, I was out on bail and had to have a place so I could be home by curfew. Since I had to be in at 10 p.m., I decided I would just have parties at my house and then we started selling beers and the rest was history.

M: What was your most memorable moment at Fort Goof?

CS: This isn't the most memorable, as I don't remember it, but somebody recently told me that 25 skinheads once showed up at the Fort demanding I come outside so they could beat the shit out of me. They're all standing there in typical skinhead style with their arms crossed behind their backs and shit and I've got this suit jacket over my leather 'cause I'm going to a party. So I tell them I would be more than happy to oblige them, but I had a lot of beers in my pocket and I was on my way to a party, so I asked them if they would be ever so kind as to show up after the party and I would be more than happy to kick the shit out of them.

M: So did they actually leave?

CS: Yeah, and they never came back. But what blows my mind is that they were such pussies.

Street fightin' man

M: Are you living in a Goof fort right now?

CS: No, I've been living on the streets for the past three years, and in my van. I'm just moving around so much I don't really have time to live anywhere. I usually go to Mexico for the winters and I just got back from being a roadie in Europe for the Dayglo Abortions.

M: Wow. I think Jesus Bonehead [Dayglo drummer] is the only guy alive who could outdrink you.

CS: Yeah, I came in second every night. We would be drinking and then people would pass out and I would finally end up passing out and say, "Goodnight, Bonehead" every night.

M: Would you ever run a boozecan again now?

CS: You can't run a boozecan in Toronto without having organized crime getting involved and cops are really cracking down now. Every boozecan in Toronto is actually a cocaine can. I don't think I could do it, anyways. In the end of my boozecan days this guy was fucking me around for money and I was holding a hammer over this guy's head and I was going to kill him. So I just decided I better close down before I killed somebody.

M: Living on the streets, what do you think of Mike Harris' crackdown on the poor in Toronto?

CS: At this point it's irreversible. After two years of the war on the poor here people are just now starting to fight back. We had a riot here last week and the cops were quoted as saying that they couldn't understand why people showed up prepared with vinegar-soaked handkerchiefs over their faces and swimming goggles to combat the pepper spray. The people are fucked over every day in this town. There is a new law that was passed called the "Safe Street" law, which means if you don't have I.D. they can hold you for 24 hours. It's just fucked. By the way, how the hell did someone like you end up being a writer?

M: Shit happens. Well you were a real estate agent before the Goofs, right?

CS: Before the Goofs I had an antique store and than I got into real estate for a while because the market was really good and I thought I could make some fast money. I made $7,000 in the first six weeks and then the market just fell apart. I was a punk before I was into real estate, though.

M: You were also in the audience as part of the '77 first wave of punk. What are the differences you've seen?

CS: Well from '77 to '80 I had long hair and progressively cut it off. Back then the scene was like a union of social misfits, where people who didn't get along with society on any level got together. It was just pimps, speed freaks, prostitutes and people who lived on the street. Now it's taken a complete flip around. Punk, back then was about having no rules. Kids today have made it to be all about rules, I think. It's now all about knowing how to act properly, y'know, it's gotten a little too polite.

Goof roots

M: How and when did the band start?

CS: I guess it was '83. There was this band United State that needed an opening band and they heard that we were these guys who used to fuck around on borrowed instruments at the Fort. So they asked us if we would play. I was really hammered and said sure. About a week before the show Ruth from United State asked if we were ready yet and I said, "What the hell are you talking about?" She reminded me I agreed to play the show and we got six songs together in a week. We then decided we better call ourselves Bunchofuckingoofs before anybody else did. That show was pretty funny, we had to show up with baseball bats, helmets and dogs because we were at war with the skinheads and thought we might get attacked by morons.

M: Weren't you a movie extra at that time? I think I saw you on that Mr. T show TNT.

CS: Well I've been in about 140 movies and TV shows and in every one I play a punk rock thug bad guy. Except once, I did get to play an undercover narc on Katts and Dog, that was pretty funny. I stopped doing the extra thing because it was just nonsense.

M: Was being tucked away in Kensington Market important to the band?

CS: Definitely. There was no other place in Toronto we could make that much noise and that much of a mess. Kensington closes down early, so then we could have our parties. Without the parties we couldn't keep the band going.

Police and thieves

M: You have a lot of anti-cocaine ("Crack Attack") and anti-glue-huffing songs ("Exploding Glue Bags"). Are you still pretty anti drug?

CS: Well, I've changed my mind a lot since I wrote those songs. Now I would make everything legal. If it was up to me, if people wanted to do coke then they should stay somewhere and do coke and not leave all fucked up. If people want to do heroin than go ahead. It's totally harmless to the people around you as long as they are getting their heroin and not stealing to get it. The same goes for welfare. The honest truth is that some people are not going to work, they cannot work and will not work. It costs twice as much money to fuck around with them and try and make them work. They're just turning them into criminals. Just give them the money and let them watch their TV and drink. Who cares? Let 'em.

M: Are you seeing more police harassment happening in the streets of Toronto now?

CS: I see cops fucking with people in the streets every single day. It's like a make-work program or something. One of the first songs we ever wrote was "Creating Criminals to Create Employment" and that has never changed.

M: So what are the Bunchofuckingoofs like now?

CS: Well, we don't pick people because they're good musicians. We're totally real people. To me, it's just not punk rock if it's not angry, and we're the real deal. :