August

* A cigar's day of reckoning: Monica Lewinsky, granted immunity by special prosecutor Kenneth Starr, testifies before the Grand Jury.

* Presidential day of reckoning: Bill Clinton testifies via TV link-up before the grand jury.

* UDI day of reckoning: In 78-page document, nine Supreme Court judges rule unanimously that it would be illegal for Quebec to declare independence unilaterally. They also rule that Canada would have to negotiate separation in good faith--provided there is a "clear majority" to a "clear question." To the nation's surprise, Quebec Premier Lucien Bouchard does not react by saying he is "humiliated."

* Defendant temptress Gillian Guess found guilty of obstruction justice. The 43-year-old Vancouver woman was bopping the defendant in a murder trial while she was a member of the jury.

* Days before a vote to unionize the staff at the McDonald's at Mont-Royal and Papineau, the company pads the staff list with 56 anti-union employees. The Labour Relations Board slaps McDonald's wrists over the move.

* The Bloc Québécois' registration of their party's name expires, and no one in the party notices. CIQC radio host Jim Duff and his producer promptly snatch it up for $35. They jokingly forbid the Bloc from using their own name.

* Cult director John Carpenter closes the Fant-Asia Film Fest with his bloodsucking horror-comedy, John Carpenter's Vampires. The screening is packed and Carpenter receives a standing ovation.

* Blasts in East Africa: the U.S. embassies in Tanzania and Kenya are bombed within minutes of each other. In all, 257 are dead and over 5,500 injured. Dissident Saudi millionaire Osama bin Laden is blamed. In retaliation, 75 missiles launched against targets linked to bin Laden near Kabul. Meanwhile, a Web site links Sesame Street resident Bert to bin Laden.

* Standoff in the Gaspé: Micmac Listuguj blockade a highway over logging rights. It ends two weeks later when the government grants the Micmac rights to 25,000 cubic metres of wood and agrees to future talks on sharing timber.

* The landmark Nisga'a Treaty is signed, giving the Nisga'a native band nearly 2,000 square kilometres of land in northwestern B.C., $190 million and a measure of self government.

* Prominent sovereignist Lise Bissonnette leaves her post as publisher of Le Devoir to oversee completion of the $75-million provincial library in Montreal.

* The first Internet wedding is held, in Toronto. Alan K'necht and Carrie Silverman, both 36, are married in front of a camera in a setting that features a real rabbi and a computer-generated virtual world adapted from Group of Seven paintings.

* Five missing pages from Anne Frank's diary are discovered in Amsterdam. The pages were removed by Anne's father because they contained harsh descriptions of the Franks' marriage.

* After a last-minute cancellation by A Tribe Called Quest, the Beastie Boys find themselves sharing the stage with the remarkable Biz Markie. Highlights of the Biz-meister's set include embarrassing attempts at scratching, a lot of incomprehensible yelling, his fat naked belly hanging out and an encore cover of "Benny and the Jets."

* Roberto Benigni's Life Is Beautiful premieres at the Montreal World Film Festival after a triumphant turn at the Cannes Film Fest. Benigni is hailed as a comic genius by some; others charge him with exploiting the Holocaust for cheap entertainment. The film is voted audience favourite at the World.

* Hundreds of obsessive mediaevalists (basically, D&D nerds gone 'round the bend) drive up north to clobber each other with foam rubber battleaxes at La Bataille de Bicolline. The demonic forces of Chaos win!

* Raunchy surf punks the Bomboras roll into Jailhouse Rock Café, establishing some sort of residency that will see them setting their instruments on fire and stuff like that twice more before the year's end.

* Barenaked Ladies hit it big in the States. Canada loses two tons of unsightly fat.