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This week: Promoters, pit boys, party sluts, puke on the floor. Plus: A stolen bullfighter rendering! "edited" by AL SOUTH F Yeah, is Madonna, like, GOTHIC or something? [BLEEP!] M Okay, so here's the deal. Almost every week for two years I shell out $15 to $25 of my hard-earned money to go to a bunch of clubs and now I find I am too RAVE to get into an elite and prestigious, not to mention MATURE, club. BITE ME. I was cool enough for Playground and mature enough for Storm, so what's the deal, POP? I hardly think a selective door policy is what you need right now. How about you try losing some pit boys and party sluts and Solid Gold dancers and replace them with some people who know how to dance and party? Maybe then your club will be worth going to. [BLEEP!] M Yeah, this is Mike. I'm looking through the Mirror's club directory here and I see a lot of WHITEBREAD drinking spots. You have no LATIN clubs in there. Aren't you supposed to be an equal opportunity, liberal newspaper? Qué pasa? Equal representation, you know what I'm saying? At least Salsathèque, one of the main popular clubs in the city, should be there! [BLEEP!] M Hi, it's Perry Giannias, copromoter for almost every hip hop show that comes through this city of ours. This is in response to the guy who was ranting lovely adjectives about the EPMD show, wanking about the fact that it was only 40 minutes, whatever. But he admitted that the rapper lost his voice! Now, I don't know about you, but when a rapper loses his voice after 40 minutes, I think that would be enough for most people. He agreed to sign autographs, he took pictures with the kids. Yet this guy is complaining about his big $25. Whoa, $25. It's $21 plus tax. Unfortunately, we can't control the tax. I dare you to find any international artist with the reputation of EPMD who charges less than $20. Just realize the situation here and give us a break--it was a great show and the other artists, Rahzel and the X-ecutioners and Shades of Culture, were incredible. He should have ranted about how great they were instead of about a guy who lost his voice. Thank you and peace. [BLEEP!] M This is Johnson Cummins calling in regard to the Christian who had a problem with my Christian-record review. Basically, I'm just asking him to FORGIVE ME and then SHUT THE FUCK UP. Okay thanks, bye. [BLEEP!] M This is Hotel 2 Tango phoning. We're leaving this thing 'coz people keep STEALING shit from our place. So here's a list of stuff that's gone missing: one framed black velvet BULLFIGHTER rendering, one photograph of a topless mustachioed sailor man, one heavy-handed road sign with a picture of a dead child on it, one U.S. maple poster, one portable CD player, one silver ashtray. [another guy comes on] This is Aden here, and if I find whoever is responsible I'll personally stick a fluorescent LIGHT TUBE up their ass and BREAK it. [original guy comes back] So yeah, if you feel like returning any of that stuff the phone number is 948-3106. It's our shit, it's not much, but it would be good if we got it back. Also, could people stop PUKING on our floor? [BLEEP!] M A comment about the Montreal music scene. The time: early '80s. The bands: the Discords, the Ripcordz, SCUM. Things will never, ever be the same again. [BLEEP!] FAXRANT Jane from Food Not Bombs here. There are some things you can do about racists who come to benefit shows and some things you can't. For instance, you can't refuse people entrance based on how they look, can you now? Short of a political quiz at the door [goddess forbid], there's no way to accurately assess attitude on the way in. Anti-racist vigilance on the floor is what's needed. We're appalled that racists harassed people at our show, and we're appalled that we didn't realize what was going on in order to counteract it [we were at the back serving food, selling T-shirts or in the coat check]. We can't take responsibility for the assholes of the world, but we can [and do] apologize for not being more alert. We can [and do] call ourselves and our supporters to follow Spencer [of Line 3's] lead: to take a loud and intolerant stand against racism at whichever concert we're at, in fact, wherever we find it. [BLEEP!] FAXRANT Once upon a time in the land of St. George's high school, far away from the lands of Selwyn House and ECS, there lived a very bored prince/ess who faxed a rant. It was about a bunch of kids who attended St. George's and it attempted to explain parts of their private lives and relationships. I AM THE PERSON WHO WROTE THE ARTICLE! I did not realize how humiliated the people I wrote about would be. Not only am I truly sorry, because I did it just for a joke, but all the stories were MADE UP and FALSE. I simply wrote about rumours and stories I heard through the grapevine. Again, I'm truly sorry to those I have insulted and although I cannot reveal who I am, I want everyone to know the rumours were rumours and not to be taken seriously. SORRY! [BLEEP!] [Ed's note: High school gossip is over, I repeat, OVER!] Next week: Open forum.
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