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Hare-raising tales >> A peek at the Local Rabbits' tour diary by RUPERT BOTTENBERG
Day 2 >> "Jammed on a sitar at Songbird in T.O... at about 4 a.m. we were pulled over by an asshole cop. Tim (McAulliffe, Rabbits' road manager) asked if we were speeding and the cop said "No." Pete handed over his registration. Upon reading it the cop said, "This is not for this vehicle. This is for a Ford Econoline." We showed him the various spots on the bus marked Ford Econoline and he quickly changed the subject. He asked if we had any drugs and Jay said "No, sir," in a sort of "Ooh, that's ridiculous!" giggling way. The cop said "What's so funny about that?" Jay covered up by saying, "It's just funny 'coz someone else made that assumption tonight." (He was referring to the young, bald gas station attendant who was also telling us about how hot the hookers were in Vancouver and that we should pick magic mushrooms off the mountains). Day 8 >> "Saskatoon... that night was our first of two shows with Six Finger Satellite. They kicked ass. Tim made out with a girl who ended up puking." Day 9 >> "Calgary... there was an explosion outside the club, which turned out to be a quarter stick of dynamite set off by 6FS... Jay and James broke into a fridge at the bar and stole beer." Day 12 >> "Vancouver... played a wicked show. There was one really bored-looking guy beside the stage so Pete and I traded licks really close to his head. After the show, a homeless, ugly guy tried to pick me up... on the way home the guys hit a Canada goose and it smashed the windshield." Day 21 >> "On the road... Drove past Portland to a rest stop. Met a dude who lied about being in Vietnam and seeing Elvis twice and a chick named Laura Mae who claimed she was being scouted by a Nashville guy. She finally pulled out her 12-string and played some of her originals for us. She played a country version of "Dark Side of the Moon" and a medley (with screwed up words) of "Southern Man" and "Sweet Home Alabama." Later she showed Ryan her pistol." Day 23 >> "Ended up at a rest stop outside Seattle. Tim and I walked into a fair and stepped onto the Pirate Ship for free. Pete skipped and played handball, I lifted a rock. Ryan and Jay started drinking beers..." Day 31 >> "Saskatoon... After the show we stopped at a 24-hour drug mart and bought diapers. I tried one on and Ryan slept in his." : The Local Rabbits perform at Foufounes Électriques Thursday, October 16, with The Paper Route, 8pm, $5
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They may keep a low profile here in their hometown, but Murder Records superstars Local Rabbits have clocked in more road hours over the last two years than any other local act short of Grim Skunk. If you think the rock star's life is an endless parade of coke binges and jailbait groupies, these clean-cut West Island homeboys--Pete Elkas (aka Montreal Pete Elkas), Jay Tustin, Ryan Myshrall (aka King Johnny Starr) and appointed diary-keeper Ben Gunney--have evidence to the contrary. These post-ironic pop pimps live for supermalls, video arcades, 4 a.m. Magnum reruns and daily instances of "hitting the Bell" (Rabbitese for dining at the finest of the faux-Mexican franchises). These entries, from their just-finished North American tour with the Superfriendz, should clue you in to just why their short yellow school bus is such appropriate transportation.