No! No! No! Speed Racer!

>>The Wachowski Brothers’ latest is
a migraine-inducing live-action cartoon

by MARK SLUTSKY

After just a few weeks of reviewing, you get used to the fact that most press screenings take place at 10 in the morning and it no longer feels weird to watch a movie right after breakfast. But there are times when it is the strangest thing in the world.

Watching Speed Racer on very little sleep at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday morning is like being shaken awake in the middle of the night by a hyperactive 13-year-old who barfs cotton candy all over your face. Also, it is the year 2147 and you’re in the middle of downtown Tokyo. And someone just pushed you off the roof of a building.

I know that begs the question, “In a good way?” Let me put it this way: do you ever experience migraine headaches? If no, are you interested in finding out what the fuss is all about?

Emile Hirsch plays the racer of the title, heir to a family of car-builders and racers (dad John Goodman, elder and deceased brother Scott Porter) and boyfriend to the spirited Trixie (Christina Ricci, who is pretty much an anime character made flesh already). Dedicating his life to speeding through spectacular, outlandish candy-coloured racetracks, Hirsch’s purity of spirit is tested by evil corporate interests and cheating competitors.

Directed by the Wachowski Brothers (of Matrix fame), Speed Racer almost certainly earns the dubious distinction of being the most cartoon-like live action film ever made.

It’s based, of course, on the classic Japanese anime series, and the Wachowskis have used their not inconsiderable skills as visual craftsmen to replicate the tics and wild stylization of that particular style of animation. The results are at times amusing, at least in a “I can’t believe there’s actually a chimpanzee flying through the air against a streaky neon background” sense, and at most other times, nauseating.

The one thing you can’t accuse Speed Racer of being is lazy. The Wachowskis have poured everything into this preposterous pot of psychedelic gumbo. It’s not just detailed; it’s overflowing with jokes, designs and crackerjack crazy nonsense. By the end of it I was dizzy and barely staggered out of the theatre alive; if you go to see it, I wish you only the best, but take a Gravol first.

Speed Racer opens
this Friday, May 9

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