The Ass Alley Anglers vs. the Pussy Packers!

Dayna McLeod's acclaimed lesbian athletics video Pleasure Zone mixes sports commentating with the go-out-there-and-give-it-all-ya-can attitude of pornstars, perfect fodder for a no-holes-barred Q&A pun fest

by SASHA

It wouldn't be a sports and leisure issue without a sexually charged piece packed with god-awful puns about horizontal athletics (if you know what I mean). Fortunately, local video artist Dayna McLeod's latest project Pleasure Zone - recently screened to great acclaim at the Edgy Women festival - provides the perfect opportunity.

Pleasure Zone combines the relentless solicitude of sports commentating and the exaggerated and effortless sexual appetite of porn stars, and lampoons both inventively. In the rhetoric of '90s indie rock journalism, if Don Cherry and Jenna Jameson had a bastard child...

The Mirror sat down with McLeod (in character), who directed and played a duo of commentators in the video, for a little T&A about the ins and outs of the Pleasure Zone.

Mirror: What kind of training was involved for the teams in doing Pleasure Zone?

Dayna McLeod: The Ass Alley Anglers and the Pussy Packers have played about 200 sex-packed games in their regular season, so both teams were pretty much chomping at the bit coming into this Wild Card match-up. I know both teams ran scrimmage scenarios in practice that they were anticipating in this game - Foreplay Zone Penetration drills, Heavy Petting Zone inward and outward facing daisy chains. And of course they spent a lot of time focusing on Hard Core Zone plays like ass munching, leg humping, carpet grinding, 69s, oral action, soft-box manipulation and all of the other circus-position plays that both squads are famous for.

M: The teams are obviously really horny, and even playing dirty. Pleasure Zone athletes seem to get off easy. Are the rules that loose?

DM: The rules aren't loose, but the players are! You've gotta remember that some of these girls are playing 200–250 games in a single season. With that kind of schedule, they're in such constant states of arousal that just looking at them with a raised eyebrow can sometimes cause nipple popping, pre-mature creaming, or a multi-orgasmic break-down that sometimes requires hospitalization if it happens outside of the Pleasure Zone arena.

European picks

M: Sveltana "The Masturbator" Slutskova is so focused, yet so lawless. It takes me back to the mid-'80s in Montreal when the Canadiens really started bringing in East Europeans to pump up their teams. Any thoughts, comparisons, anecdotes?

DM: Sveltana Slutskova is an exotic spitfire - the emotional leader of the Ass Alley Anglers. She has injected the league with a sexual intensity that has really taken everyone by storm. I remember the first game she played - she was a second-string masturbator for the Camel Toes called in after Glory Crackhole blew out her knee in an ugly double-jointed ass penetration reversal against the 69ers. There was a lot of mystery around Sveltana at that time - no one really knew where she came from, and there were rumours that she had killed her lover's lover in a fit of jealous rage and had to leave her country. So the Camel Toes put her in, but she's so keyed up that she storms the Heavy Petting Zone and dry humps her own Gropers! There she is, running around, jacking herself off, grabbing the Boob Handlers and the Forward Forward, the referees were chasing after her trying to get her under control, and she ends up dry humping them as well! She actually set a record for Premature Climax Penalties in a single game by an individual player that still stands today.

Most valuable pleasurer

M: Have you received any pre-noms from Adult Video News (AVN) for the AVN porn awards in Vegas? You seem like a shoo-in for the Best Tongue Action in a Sports-Based Erotic Short category.

DM: One of the great things about this game is the sex-based support we get - it really puts everything in perspective. In this particular Pleasure Zone game, I've been told by an inside source that we have actually been pre-pre-nominated for Best Inward-Facing Rotating Daisy Chain for a Female Sextet, Best 12-inch Conversion Stick Penetration in a Playoff Game, and Sveltana Slutskova has been nominated for Best Ass Munching by a Masturbator of the Year. We're all very excited.

M: I've read some scathing criticism on feminist athletics message boards regarding the obvious, some would say "in your face," use of steroids and silicone in Pleasure Zone athletes. Any comments?

DM: I know which comments you're referring to, and I gotta say how disappointing this kind of criticism is, because this game has done so much for women, women's rights, and female athletes. Sure, there's been steroid abuse, but those players have been dealt with and expelled from the league once they started getting too much acne, growing mustaches, going bald, or dying from breast cancer. This is just not the kind of image we want associated with the league. And what people don't seem to realize about the silicone lip injections and breast implants - besides being fabulous to look at and mandatory components of the Pleasure Zone uniform - is that padded lips and breasts actually protect players from injury! If you had an over-anxious Boob Handler coming at you with squeezy fingers, or a teeth-baring Masturbator chewing on your lips, you'd want a bit of extra double-D protection too - it's just like football padding, only sexier. The question I would throw back at these "feminist" forums is why do they want our players to get hurt? Why would they want our girls to go into a game unprotected?

Giving 669 per cent

M: If you were to offer any advice to a young female athlete looking to get into the Pleasure Zone, what would it be?

DM: This game is about the fans, and before you start posing for your playoff portrait, you gotta look deep inside yourself and ask, "Can I deliver the goods? Can I step up and hit the hole? Can I think on my feet as well as I can on my back?" If women are serious about going the distance, about being the greatest show on turf, then they've gotta make sure that they don't leave it in the locker room, they don't mail it in, and that they give 669 per cent from initial Foreplay tongue action straight through to Hard Core Zone orgasm.

M: Are you planning to tour to any festivals?

DM: This game will tour the festival circuit, and I'm hoping to take advantage of the hockey strike and get it broadcast on TSN or CBC. Fans need something to fill the void of hockey, and Pleasure Zone is a game that everyone can get into and get off on.

TO VISIT THE PLEASURE ZONE, PLEASE GO TO WWW.DAYNARAMA.COM