1. Kevin Shea (Ye Olde Orchard)
2. Gern F. (Grumpy’s)
3. Joanne (le Parking)
4. Ram (Grumpy’s)
5. Melodie (Saphir)
6. Dylan (Benelux)
7. Adam (Bside)
8. Bill (Saphir)
9. Jenna (Club 1234)
10. Stacey (Tokyo)

Honourable mentions: Gwelf (Saphir), Joey (Scotyz), Felicity (Brutopia), Kim (Barfly)

Kevin at Old Orchard must be doing something right—last year, his name wasn’t even on the radar, and this year he knocks Grumpy’s famed Gern F. down a notch. The USWM frontman and his colleague Ram, however, stick in there tenaciously, proving that their bar’s name aside, grouchiness isn’t their style. Joanne at le Parking makes an impressive third-place debut.

1. Felicity (Brutopia)
2. Erin (Coda)
3. Susan (ex-Bifteck)
4. Megan (Ye Olde Orchard)
5. Véronique (Quai des Brumes)
6. Vito (Bside)
7. Gwelf (Saphir)
8. Melodie (Saphir)
9. Alina (Gogo)
10. Rachel (Brutopia)

Honourable mentions: Antoine (Laïka), Jane (Brutopia), Maddie (Meat Market), Marie-Claire (Copacabana)

Brutopia’s Felicity Hamer certainly lives up to her first name—definition: “pleasing and appropriate manner or style”—because she’s once again snagged the top spot here.

1. Bifteck
2. Brutiopia
3. Grumpy’s
4. Ye Olde Orchard
5. McKibbins
6. Copacabana
7. Hurley’s
8. Barfly
9. Foufounes Électriques
10. Cock & Bull

Honourable mentions: Peel Pub, Mad Hatters, Casa del Popolo, Else’s, Blizzarts, Irish Embassy, Miami

1. Bifteck
2. Barfly
3. Miami
4. Cock & Bull
5. Mad Hatters
6. Thursdays
7. Copacabana
8. Foufounes Électriques
9. Reggie’s
10. Peel Pub

Honourable mentions: Maz, Grumpy’s, Black Jack, PJs, Saphir, Verres Sterilisées, Vol de Nuit

Bifteck snags a twofer in the Watering Hole and Sleazy Dive categories, confirming its position as a longstanding mainstay of the Main, for better or worse.

BEST 5 À 7 #2: Suite 701

1. Brutopia
2. Suite 701
3. Thursdays
4. Baldwin
5. Newtown
6. Sky
7. Vol de Nuit
8. Foufounes Électriques
9. Irish Embassy
10. McKibbin’s

Honourable mentions: Benelux, Else’s, Segafredo, Bily Kun, Confesionnal, 3 Brasseurs, Carlos & Pepes, Edgar Hypertaverne

The preferred settings for our post-work piss-ups range from the funky, friendly confines of Brutopia (acing the #1 place again) to the sleek ’n’ chic elegance of Newtown or the grit and grunge of Foufs’ street-level terrasse.

1. Thursdays
2. Gogo Lounge
3. Tokyo
4. Rouge
5. Foufounes Électriques
6. Coda
7. Saphir
8. Reggie’s
9. Baldwin
10. Bside

Honourable mentions: Café Campus, Fringe
Festival, Korova, Brutopia, Parking, Blizzarts

Thursdays wins again, Rouge climbs from nowhere to a notable #4.

1. Opera
2. Buena Notte
3. Time Supperclub
4. Coda
5. Med
6. Saphir
7. Gogo
8. Tokyo
9. W
10. Cagibi

Honourable mentions: Baldwin, Globe, Blizzarts, Rouge, Bside, Tribe Hyperclub, Club 1234, le Parking

Opera rockets to the top in its first year on the list, knocking perennials Buena Notte and Time Supperclub down a notch. Coda is also a first-timer and looking good at #4.

BEST-LOOKING CLIENTELE #1, BEST DANCE CLUB #1: Opera

1. Metropolis
2. La Sala Rossa
3. Club Soda
4. Le National
5. Jello Bar
6. Cabaret Musée Juste Pour Rire
7. Divan Orange
8. Bell Centre
9. Casa del Popolo
10. Café Campus

Honourable mentions: Spectrum (RIP), la Tulipe, Foufounes Électriques, Black Dot, Club Lambi, les Saints, Upstairs, Barfly, Brutopia, le Medley, Yellow Door, Lion d’Or

1. Gogo Lounge
2. Jello Bar
3. Kafein
4. Lola
5. Vinyl
6. Laïka
7. Blizzarts
8. Sofa
9. Bside
10. Typhoon

1. Upstairs
2. House of Jazz
3. Diese Onze
4. Biddle’s
5. Jello Bar
6. Barfly
7. Bily Kun
8. Grumpy’s
9. Kemia
10. Pub Quartier Latin

Honourable mentions: Bistro à Jojo, Kafein, Cafe Sarajevo, Casa Luna on Saturdays

While venues devoted exclusively to jazz—like Upstairs, our perennial winner in this area (making a big move to new digs soon)—are in short supply in Montreal, picking up the slack are a number of jazz-friendly clubs and cafés.

1. Opera
2. Coda
3. Rouge
4. Saphir
5. Tokyo
6. Le Parking
7. Tribe
8. Stereo
9. Unity
10. Orchid

Honourable mentions: Tonic, Club 1234, Cherry, Moomba, Sky, Bside, Gogo Lounge, Korova, Salon Daomé, Blizzarts

The fat lady has sung, and Opera once again nails it as far as the cutting of rugs goes. Newcomer Coda impress with a second-place showing in its first year, while Parking parks itself further down the list from its third-place ranking last year. Coda is the only new name on the list—the rest, in slightly different order, were present and accounted for in 2007.

1. The Fix (Coda)
2. Dark Wave (Saphir)
3. Faggity Ass Fridays (Main Hall)
4. Sundays at Opera
5. Peer Pressure (Coda)
6. Overdose (le Parking)
7. Beat Me Up (Saphir)
8. Cruise Control (Vinyl)
9. Fridays at Unity
10. Teen Wolf (Blizzarts)

Honourable mentions: Fridays at Cherry, Sundays at Tokyo, The Goods at la Sala Rossa, Turbocrunk nights at Coda, Mardis Retro at Café Campus

The Fix is in! No, really, the Fix is in, right at the top, stealing the thunder of last year’s winner, Saphir’s Dark Wave nights. Faggity Ass Fridays replace le Parking’s Faggy Baggy near the top as the place to be for dialled-in gay kids (and possibly a few family-values-type Republican senators on vacation). And Montreal has yet to overdose on DJ Mini’s Overdose night—down four places, it’s nonetheless still very much in play.

Best Afterhours

1. Stereo
2. Circus
3. Red Lite
4. Somebody’s apartment/loft
5. Peer Pressure after-parties
6. Millennium

Honourable mentions: Sona and Aria (both RIP), Jesse McDonald’s house

BEST PROMOTER #1:
Blue Skies Turn Black

1. Blue Skies Turn Black
2. Peer Pressure
3. Hello Darlin
4. Global NTT
5. Escape
6. Greenland
7. Blended
8. Neon
9. Urban Handed Works
10. Pop Montreal

Honourable mentions: GEG, MEG, DKD, Goon Tribe, Jesse Walker

Best Strip Club

1. Kama Sutra
2. Wanda’s
3. Chez Paré
4. Super Sex
5. Solid Gold
6. Club 281
7. Club Downtown
8. Amazones
9. Café Cléopatre
10. Stock

Honourable mentions: Gentleman’s Choice, l’Axe, Campus, Taboo, Château du Sexe, Calèche du Sexe, Pussy Corps

1. Le Parking
2. Unity
3. Sky
4. Cabaret Chez Mado
5. Drugstore
6. Stud
7. Stereo
8. Cagibi
9. Club Date
10. Mystique

1. Drugstore
2. Cagibi
3. Unity
4. Le Parking
5. Sky
6. Cocktail
7. Meow Mix
8. Sisters
9. Faggity Ass Fridays
10. Lips

Unity’s still got it together, even if they have slipped from the top spot of both the Gay and Lesbian Bar categories last year. The cool café Cagibi has charged up to second place from 10th last year in the women’s department, and the fact that all 10 slots were filled with not a single “there are none” or “what lesbian bars?” suggests that ladies who like ladies have a few more nightlife options at hand, finally. Of course, the long-defunct Sisters isn’t one of them.

1. Mado
2. Plastik Patrik
3. Miss Gina the Dragpiper
4. Kiki
5. Dream
6. Nat King Pole
7. Mikiki
8. Sheena Hershey
9. Tracy Trash
10. Miss Velveeta Spandex

Mado dominates this category as per usual, but Plastik Patrick has clambered back up to second place after a disappointing fourth placing last year. The only drag king to crack the top 10 is Nat King Pole—c’mon, dude, get those pompadours and paste-on pinches in order.

1. Sharx
2. Scratch
3. Boule Noire
4. Fats
5. Drugstore
6. Bifteck
7. El Jumanji
8. Trix
9. Frappé
10. Bogey’s

Honourable mentions: Montreal Pool Room, Istori, Café Romolo, Maz

1. Comedy Nest
2. Comedyworks
3. Just For Laughs
4. Comedy Off the Main
5. Grumpy’s
6. Oliveira
7. Cabaret Chez Mado
8. Yuk Yuks
9. Mainline Theatre
10. Theatre Ste-Catherine

Honourable mentions: Bourbon Street West, Café Campus, Mondays at Tabu Club Lounge

1. Pete Radomski
2. Sugar Sammy
3. Joey Elias
4. Deanne Smith
5. Louis José Houde
6. John Hastings
7. Derek Séguin
8. Andrea Standford
9. Andrew Searles
10. Ali Hassan

Honourable mentions: Mike Paterson, Rachid Badoui, Steve Patterson, Lydia Locket, Martin Matte, Ryan Wilner, Uncalled For, Scott Falconbridge

The top four furnishers of funny are exactly the same as last year—you guys (and gal), you’re slaying us!

1. Marijuana
2. Ecstasy
3. Cocaine
4. Alchohol
5. Caffeine
6. Magic mushrooms
7. Hash
8. Speed
9. LSD
10. Salvia

Honourable mentions: Tylenol, GHB, Chocolate, Ketamine, Crack, Heroin, Adrenaline, Advil, Nicotine, Aspirin, Gravol, Oxycontin

Dishonourable mentions: Love, sex, life, music, fun, sunshine, yoga etc. (noticeably absent: Jesus, God, prayer etc.)