Dear Sasha: My wife and I have a great personal and sexual relationship. On occasion, we enjoy an adult movie or surf the Web together during foreplay and sex. In the past, my wife has hinted that it would be exciting if I wore some of her lingerie during sex, such as a bra or pantyhose, but we've never really acted on it. The closest that we've come was after a couple of Halloween parties. The first time, we dressed up as Pac Man and Ms. Pac Man. Part of the costumes required us to wear matching tights. That night, we had great sex, still wearing the tights. Since that first time, we've gone to other Halloween parties dressed up in theme outfits that included us both wearing tights. The same thing happened those nights - we had wonderful sex while wearing the tights in bed.

Thinking back on some of her subtle suggestions, I'm thinking that it might be fun and exciting for both of us to wear lingerie during sex, such as tights, leotards, pantyhose, bras, body stockings, garters, high heels, etc. Is this too strange for me as "the guy" to wear lingerie for sex? I'm not gay, and love my wife very deeply, but now I'm curious and actually like the idea. Also, I would welcome your suggestions as to how might I broach the subject with my wife in order to take it to this level without making anyone feel uncomfortable? » Curious About a Fantasy

Dear Curious,
Halloween: When you're a kid, it's all about getting candy, as an adult, it's all about getting randy.

I think men in lingerie are the shit myself, something that got off to a rollicking start with a magazine spread about 15 years ago featuring the Red Hot Chili Peppers in bras. I've always asked boyfriends to wear my bras and the occasional babydoll, and not one of them has said no (it's swell what you can ask boys to do when you make it clear it'll be worth their while). By the way, most gay men I know wouldn't even consider wearing lingerie. More often than not it's straight-identified men who dig the dainties. If anything, your reasoning should lead you to think your wife's gay, but no, it just looks like you're both queer. Welcome! I'll notify the league to send a rep over with a basket of goodies.

You need a good role model to validate your predilection, and I'm going to suggest Eddie Izzard, my unapprised fiancé and idol of life. He is outstanding in all ways: funny, smart, gorgeous, with great singular dash. You can find him at www. eddieizzard.com. Despite endless attempts from the mainstream to paint crossdressers as deluded freaks who make frocks out of women, he has managed to rise above it all and make a brilliant career. Would you be brave enough to publicly crossdress under such vilifying circumstances? (By the way, I tried to get in touch with him for comment and also to inform him of our engagement, but his press agent says he's awfully busy).

You wife is clearly game. Hints, like Halloween, often hold more than a grain of truth. Write her a note telling her you want to indulge her. You have an open door, how would you like to use it? And indeed, "the guy" - it's good to start thinking of that role in quotations.

Bell alarms

"As a father of two young girls, I hope they never see an ad like this that insults their bodies," Jon Pressick, editor of Trade: Queer Things wrote me in an e-mail last week regarding an advertising pamphlet from Bell Canada.

Pressick included the ad, which I hadn't seen, in the e-mail. You can see it here: www.livejournal.com/users/sissyhips/166036.html?style=mine#cutid1. It looks like something the police would find in a serial killer's collection of paraphernalia. Bell Canada has claimed the ad "was a tongue-in-cheek attempt to show the lengths some people will go to in order to protect their children from ‘inappropriate' subject matter,' but if you ask me, pandering to that kind of thinking is just as contemptible. The Bell feedback line is bcecomms@bce.ca if you need to say something.

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