Best of Montreal 2000

>> Culture

Chow Time


Best band

1. godspeed you black emperor!

2. Moist

3. Bran Van 3000

4. Jazz Pharmacy

5. Planet Smashers

6. Montreal Funk Orchestra

7. Kingpins

8. Kamikaze Mustang

Ten bucks says the Mirror gets a nasty letter from godspeed, chastising us for involving them in any way with this popularity contest. Whatever. We still extend our congratulations to these psychedelic mediaphobes, because they got to the top spot by playing good music (don't ask us about Moist, though, eh?).

Honourable mentions: Agent Cooper * Aliens * Art & 2 Cows * Baraca * Bent Beyond Belief * Big Link * Bionic * Bitter Fly * Capones * Cryptopsy * Culture Fish * Datsons * Dears * Denny Christensen's Big Band * Dr. Noh * Edwin & the Bedouins * Endosperm * Generators * Ghoulunatics * Glory * Greg Clayton Trio * Grimskunk * Guido Foot * Jamal's Cool Head * Jerry Jerry * Kate & Anna McGarrigle * Knavish Gloom * Les Morts * Local Rabbits * Muzion * Nimbus * Nuclear Ramjet * One-976 * Our Lady Peace * Pigeon Hole * Reset * Rubberman * Salty Dog * Shades of Culture * Skyjuice * Slaves on Dope * Les Slot Machine * Tricky Woo * Steel Rail * The Greatest Death Scenes * The Nul Set * The Snitches * Tramaturges * Treblemakers * Undercovers * Vendettas * Wells



Best hip hop act

1. Shades of Culture

2. Muzion

3. Dubmatique

4. Obscure Disorder

5. Rabbi-T

Honourable mentions: Brass Knuckles Crew * DJ Majest * DJ Ray * Offsides



Best World Music Act

Montrealers seem to have interpreted this category as representing any band, musician or even music-related act that came from somewhere on the planet Earth. We're sorry, but the Barenaked Ladies don't constitute world music and they're not from Montreal, so they'd be disqualified even if they did. There was no clear winner, but a few voters got the idea, cheering on local ska, klezmer, salsa and more.

Honourable mentions: Chad Lengyel * Cholent Klezmer Band * Los Troubadores * Monica Freire * Salsatec Band * Stomp All-Stars



Best busker

1. Ogilvy's spoonman

2. Stilts man

3. Michael Jackson lookalike

Once again, the Spoonman gets top props for streetcorner symphonics. A prime location combined with a Satriani-like skill with eating utensils are what got him there, beating out the high-falutin', sax-tootin' stiltmeister and the Wacko Jacko wannabe.

Honourable mentions: "Food-not-alcohol" guy * Accordian man who thinks he's in Paris * Bass clarinet guy in PdA * Blind clarinet woman with dog * Blind white guy in Guy-Concordia who sings like a black female gospel singer * Buckethead * Ginny at Old Port * Homeless men's choir * Los Troubadores * Masked violinist in the labcoat * The guy who plays Pearl Jam songs on his acoustic * The Inuit guy who sings in Place Bonaventure * The Mexican man with the sombrero in Snowdon * The midget opera guy who sings the Brady Bunch theme song * The sitar player at Berri-UQÀM * Tuneless prattler at Henri-Bourassa metro



Most outrageous act

1. One-976

2. Moist

3. Bitter Rind

4. Corpusse

Honourable mentions: Big Link * Bloodshot Bill * Bordello * Capones * Charging kids for recorders in elementary school music classes * Daylight Lovers * Dr. Noh * Dynasty * Flaccid * godspeed you black emperor! * Guy Nadon * Jerry Jerry * My hot girlfriend in bed after taking a little E * Rufus Wainwright * The fact that Slaves on Dope still exist * Vaginal Croutons * Willem Bagchus



Best actor

1. William Shatner

2. Luc Picard

3. Lothaire Bluteau

4. Bill Luxton

5. Roy Dupuis

6. Jacob Richmond

7. Jacob Tierney

Scanning the results, something does appear to be clear: all of those theories about name recognition must be true. How else could someone as excruciating as Bill Shatner come ahead of someone as nuanced and brilliant as dear old Bluteau?

Honourable mentions: Massand * Dylan Provencher * Howard Rosenstein * Jaimie Smith * James Hyndman * Jamie Elfman * Jean-Claude Van Damme * Julien Poulin * Marc-Andre Koallier * Marselis Parsons * Miro * My boyfriend pretending he didn't fuck around with my sister * Tom Watt





Best actress

1. Anne-Marie Cadieux

2. Macha Grenon

3. Paulina Abarca

4. Pascale Bussières

Honourable mentions: Amena * Aimée Castle * Caroline Rhea * Geneviève Bujold * Isabelle Richer * Janis Kirshner * Jessica Paré * Kimberly Forlini * Louise Portal * Pascale Montpetit * Rosa Vetrano



Best local filmmaker

1. Léa Pool

2. Denys Arcand

3. Brian McKenna

4. John Tucker

5. François Girard

6. Robert Lepage

So, the city has become something of a banana republic, a playground for rich American producers to come and reap the rewards of our cheap-o rates for both locations and crews. Not to mention that sixtysomething-cent dollar! But the response to this category is heartening, a solid indication that Montreal has a thriving indigineous film culture. Note Mr. Tucker, the new kid on the block, whose short film Sweat Angels packed the houses at screenings locally and in New York earlier this year.

Honourable mentions: A.C.A. Productions * Alan Handel * Albert Nerenberg * Anthony Sek * Automatic Vaudeville * Charles Binamé * Carol Cox * Catherine Bainbridge * Denis Villeneuve * Jean-François Monette * Josh Dobbs * Judy Baiser * Kim Forlini * Lois Siegel * Madji Landhiri * Magenta * Marc Dorcel * Michel Dugavy * Peter Wintonick * Robert Morin * Rory Kenny * Sean Sandler * Sophie Bissonette * The Tomato Boys * Tony Babinski * Wild Rose Productions



Best play

1. For the Pleasure of Seeing her Again

2. The Quality of Zero

3. Houdini

4. Shakespeare in the Park productions



Honourable mentions: Albertine en cinq temps * Broue * Cruising Paradise * Dead Dolls Cabaret * Hamlet * Le Paradis Mobile * Lenny & Reno * Les Belles Soeurs (at Concordia) * L'Odysse * Marie Stuart * Monster * Notre Dame de Paris * Our Town * The Crucible * The Mikado * The Palm Sisters Revenge * The Taylor Buckner Story * Trois fois trois font seize, j'en ai assez * Everybody's Fucking but Me by Norman Nawrocki



Best dance show

1. H*ART*CHAOS

2. Giselle

3. Bouge de là

4. Isabella & Improv-Dance

5. Vernissage-dance series

Honourable mentions: Cirque du Soleil * Concordia contemporary dance * Danièle Desnoyers * Des feux dans la nuit * La La La Human Steps * Les Ballets Jazz du Montreal * Maimolennium * Solid Gold * The ladies at Chez Parée * The ladies at Amazones



Best spoken word act

1. Alexis O'Hara

2. Jake Brown

3. Mitch Michaels

4. Ian Ferrier

Honourable mentions: Abrigradationnistes * Anything at the Yellow Door * Catherine Kidd * Corey Frost * Coco Café people * David Solway * Fortner Anderson * Michael Payne * Norman Nawrocki





Best art exhibit

1. Millennium My Eye! at the Musée d'art

contemporain

2. Gaugin to Toulouse-Lautrec at the

Musée des Beaux-Arts

3. Evergon's exhibit at Galerie Trois-Points

4. Out for Fame graffiti exhibit

Honourable mentions: Atara Bentob * Triumphs of the Baroque at Musée des Beaux-Arts * CD cover-art expo at UQÀM * Dallaire * Galerie Pink * Irene Wittocome * King Tut * Mexican exhibit at the MMFA * Nadia Moss at Geshmak * Patricia Gonzales' photos at Zeke's * Random graffiti * The World of Etch-A-Sketch * Urban Art Expo on Ste-Catherine



Best cartoonist

1. Aislin

2. Henriette Valium

3. Rick Trembles

4. Howard Chackowicz

5. Rupert Bottenberg

Honourable mentions: Genevieve Castrée * Geoff Isherwood * Jai Granofski * Julie Doucet * Leanne Franson * Salgood Sam * Serge Chapleau * Sophie Cossette * Vince Vaitiekunas





Most prominent scenester

1. Plastic Patrik

2. Jon Asencio/John Jordan

3. Jake Brown

4. Carlos Correal

Honourable mentions: Andrew Hughson from Cartel * Art Farley * Elvis Italiano * Eric Lapointe * Jet Phil * Joe Schwartz * Jordan Swift * Lee-Lee L'Amour * Les 4 Soeurs * Marie at Bily Kun * Michael Citrome * Neil Drabkin * PJ Kennedy * Pooter Royale * Quan * Ramon Vitesse * Rico from the Snitches * Rupert Bottenberg * Statues in front of Le Sugar * That fat fuck * Xavier from Caféine *



Heavy metal letdown

So the results for this year's BOM are in and the metal category garnered even less votes than the "Best place to spot Ivan from Men Without Hats" section. If this didn't get the molten metal coursing through my veins and burning white-hot...

True, the Mirror didn't have the foresight to place ballot boxes conveniently in wood shop classes, shipping and receiving docks or Screaming Eagle, but this was our chance to rally (mosh) around the (Randy Rhoads) flag and show our strength in numbers. Quite frankly, we blew it. Was it really that long ago that Venom's Chronos croaked "Die Hard" or Hetfield begged "Bang the Head That Doesn't Bang"? I mean, the front runner was a crank entry about some fictitious Eurotrash brass band, while some of the Montreal metal merchants that deserved attention, like Obliveon, Martyr, Neuraxis, Necrotic Mutation, Kataklysm and Necronomicon, didn't even earn a scrawl on the ballots.

True, they're not easy to spell and their logos look like squashed insects, but the fact is, Montreal remains one of metal's hotbeds and is legendary for setting attendance records for most international touring metal bands--but apparently unable to scribble a name on a line. For a brief moment I was as happy as Tommy Lee between Pamela's thighs when I read that godspeed you black emperor! had won a mention. Having god, speed, black and emperor in their name, as well as having been to Scandinavia, I naturally assumed they were a metal band I hadn't heard yet. But don't be fooled, my heathen brethren. Word around the office here is that they have a violin in the band and sound like one of those old spaghetti Western movies.

Oh, well. Until next year, remember Saxon's metal anthem "Denim and Leather," wherein we hear the magical line "It is YOU who sets the spirit free!" *

Best metal band

1. Little Dutch Bugle Boy Corps

2. One-976

3. godspeed you black emperor!

4. Ghoulunatics

5. Cryptopsy

Honourable mentions: B.A.R.F. * Bitter Rind * Delta 666 * Groovy Aardvark * Fryin Pan * Led Astray * Los Cacaos * Obliveon * Patty Wagon * Psychotic Vampire Mannequins * Slyce * Voivod
-- Johnson "Metal Maniac" Cummins



Investigating the winning website

Yes, that's right, the Moist Web site, www.moist.ca, which links you directly to http://www.cnw.com/~moist/, is number one in town, according to our poll. Some facts about it...

Traffic

The official site is a busy place, hosting a message board where fans post their diatribes on why Moist is their favourite band. Patriotism runs high on this board, where there are daily posts from people like Brad Lloyd of Guelph, Ontario, who wrote: "I love Moist, they are so good! CANADA ROCKS! MY NAME IS BRAD AND I A M C A N A D I A N ! ! !"

Canadian rock and Canadian beer, what a logical combination, eh?

Content

Maintained by the diligent Andrea K., the Official Moist Site certainly brings in the visitors. But what gives this site such amazing drawing power? Sure, there are a lot of photos, but where are the live bootlegs? The rare Japanese-only album covers?

Well, there are a bunch of rare clips in RealAudio format, and live gig listings reaching back to 1993. That, and a tape-trading network. Wouldn't the RIAA like to know? There's also an extensive library of guitar and bass tabs, for your very own Moist cover band. Suggested names include Clammy and Damp.

Elsewhere

A Yahoo! search turned up a grand total of seven Moist fan sites, including those maintained by record companies. One of them is the aesthetically pleasing Ophelia: a Moist page (www.ophelia.iscool.net), which delivers the goods all wrapped up in a Flash package. We're talking rare audio, indie tapes, video, the works. Possibly the most fascinating section of Ophelia is the Nauselbaum page, which explains the word Nauselbaum, which the band purportedly invented. *

Best local Web site

1. www.moist.ca

2. www.montrealmirror.com

3. www.carolcox.com

4. www.gazette.com

5. www.cam.org/~stomp
-- Michael Citrome