Pain in the sex
The effects of painful intercourse extend far beyond suffering genitals, says therapist
by CHRIS BARRY
February 23, 2012
Photo by SHARON DAVIES
Name: Irv Binik
Age: 63
Occupation: Sex therapist/Professor
Bio: This chill NDG stud says he fell into his current field “by fluke,” after coming to Montreal in the early 70s to teach psychology at McGill and picking up some part-time work at the Jewish General’s sex therapy clinic on the side. Soon determining that “sexuality is fascinating, the most interesting topic going,” when the Allan Memorial decided to launch their own sex therapy clinic in ’81 and asked if he’d like to run the joint, Irv was only too happy to accept the gig, “and now all the work I do is in the field of sexuality.” Today, when not teaching or addressing the concerns of the sexually distraught at the Sex and Couple Therapy clinic at the Royal Vic (sexandcoupletherapy.com), he’s busy directing McGill’s Laboratory for the Biopsychosocial Study of Sexuality (binik-lab.com) where, among other things, he’s spent the last 20 years pioneering research on the subject of chronic pain during intercourse (a.k.a. dyspareunia), a truly nasty business for those unfortunate enough to suffer the condition.
The number of North American chicks for whom fucking is more painful than pleasurable: Roughly 15 per cent. “It’s usually seen as a sexual problem when it’s really a pain problem that interferes with sex. This pain isn’t generally caused by abuse, poor sexual technique or sexual problems, but the same causes that create any type of chronic pain—headaches, back pain or whatever.”
But it’s definitely physiological, right? “You can look forever for physiological causes, and occasionally you’ll find something and be able to cure it, but most of the time you don’t. I wish you could, it’d make things much simpler. We don’t really know what causes it yet, but 90 per cent of the time you can’t reduce it to physical things. If you damage something and it completely heals, or you’ve had a painful vaginal infection that’s since cleared yet you’re still feeling pain three years later, well, what is it?”
Something vaguely positive the afflicted can latch on to: “There’s much more hope now than when we first started researching this 20 years ago. We have cognitive behavioural pain management methods that are very effective but take time and practice. Physical and massage therapy focused on the pelvic region helps as well. This combination of therapies has helped many women—to the point where their pain is no longer an issue. It’s not perfect, but at least now there are treatment options.”
Is dyspareunia strictly a girl thing? No. Roughly five per cent of males also suffer pain during intercourse.
But this is emotional pain, right? When a man’s drunk wears off and he gets his first good look at who he’s on top of? “No, the most common is pain during or after ejaculation. But it does cause real distress. Frequently, by the time people see me, they’ve given up on sex altogether. They’ve lost desire, and don’t deal with it well as couples. There’s a major reduction in affection and intimate behaviour. One of the first things we try and do is reinstate sexual activities that don’t hurt. There’s no reason to give up everything if only one activity is painful.”
Last book read: The Help, by Kathryn Stockett.
Musical preferences: Leonard Cohen, Klezmatics, Beatles.
Words of wisdom: “If you’ve got a sexual problem, don’t delay. The longer you do, the harder it is to deal with.” ■
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