Sexual tingling
by SASHA
November 24, 2011
Dear Sasha, I’m wondering if it’s normal to get all tingly and numb after getting fingered? I find I can’t completely control all my muscles and it takes a lot of focused effort to move them afterwards. Even some tiny muscles, like my upper lip!
My second question is about smells. I find that my vagina smells putrid most of the time, and I feel bad for the guy going down on me. Plus after when he comes back up to my face, I smell it and I don’t really like kissing it. I try to wash myself in the shower but that doesn’t seem to help. What do you suggest?
—Grace
Dear Grace, It’s not unusual to feel tingling sensations all over your body from sexual arousal. If you want to know a little more about this, look into the work of Patricia Taylor, particularly her book Expanded Orgasm. If your vagina smells putrid it is possible you have something called bacterial vaginosis. In fact, the very word putrid comes from the chemical putrescine, which, in conjunction with cadaverine, produce the foul smell associated with BV. It is treatable but can sometimes be quite persistent. Get thee to a gynecologist.
Dear Sasha, I have a great sex life, I can’t complain, but my boyfriend had an accident recently and can’t move his leg.
We can only do three positions and one of them is me on the top. I don’t feel much when I’m riding him and neither does he. I tried to change the speed and intensity but nothing. Is my pussy too wide? I would love to get some tips or tricks to make this position more pleasant.
—Not on the Top
Dear Not, It might be worth looking into some sex furniture (lovebumper.com/store/sex-furniture, liberator.com) to help boost you into positions that are comfortable and satisfying for both of you. Without actually putting my hand in your vagina I can’t tell if it’s “too wide” (not really comfortable with this description anyway), but if you do like the idea of maximizing internal sensation then try Kegels (bit.ly/11T4PH) both as independent exercise and while you’re having sex. I would also suggest looking into sex toys to enhance pleasure—things that vibrate can certainly make up for a loss of vigour or mobility.
Dear Sasha, I’ve been going out with someone for about nine months, things overall are great, except for one thing: a somewhat weak libido. I’ve concluded that two factors are at play here: online porn that I’ve greatly diminished and something else more difficult to let go of.
I’ve been thinking almost daily, for a good while, of a past sexual experience I had with another woman I dated briefly. We had anal sex, which was the first time for both of us. It was such an amazing experience; it puts those online videos I mentioned earlier to shame. We did it a few times, but I didn’t feel she was the right person for me and (yes, ironically) I still had my ex in mind. The breakup was difficult, but I don’t sense she was the woman of my life—still the memories of these moments remain.
As for my current girlfriend, well-intentioned as she is, she listened to me as I explained that I missed this type of sex. We tried it twice and I even bought an anal vibrator (and these things aren’t cheap), and of course lube. Let’s just say that without hurting her, she did not find the experience all that great. It’s clear this won’t be happening often. I’m afraid to bring it up at this point and get a final and definitive no.
How do I live with memories of this nature that influence my appreciation of what I have right now? Heck, I even thought of it to help me “perform” with my girl recently, which made me feel bad. Our sex isn’t bad, just predictable in how and when it happens and, of course, disappointing in what doesn’t happen.
—The Overthinker
Dear Over, It seems more apt to say you suffer from chronic self-imposed dissatisfaction than overthinking. The pussy is always greener on the other side type of thing. Treating women like receptacles that are beholden to your satisfaction will always have you coming up short. I suggest you start thinking about that a little more, rather than trying to recreate a liaison where you weren’t even completely present when it happened. ■
Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM
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