RANT LINE™: Turbo, Mainstage, Deprisk, Rush, Satan, snails!

PLUS: Are flashing cameras detrimental to the concert-going experience?!

“edited” by AL SOUTH
sub-edited by ROGER ARGENT

M This goes out to the guy who’s complaining about Turbo Productions. I just want to say if there were only 30 or 40 people at the show and you walked away with $50, that’s pretty good. If you do shows for Mainstage, there’s usually 300-400 people per show and only the bands that sold 30 tickets or more get $50. That’s not even a little bit FAIR. So if I were you, I’d be pretty happy with your deal. [BLEEP!]

M Regarding Turbo Productions—I also play in a band and we did a show recently, with two bands. We had about 50 or 60 people at the door at $10 bucks at the door and they also give each band only $50 for the whole band. Something FISHY is going on. [BLEEP!]

M Okay, so I went to Hip Hop Karaoke at the Belmont last week, first time there. Gotta say that shit is off the hook, so many talented artists dropping wicked, wicked hip hop beats. This one man he killed it all, Deprisk. He got up there with one of his buddies and he dropped Twista’s “Overnight Celebrity” and it was insane, the place went wild. So yeah, check out Hip Hop Karaoke and this guy Deprisk, he’s fucking amazing. [BLEEP!]

M Hi. This is a rant about the Quest for Fire show last week, on Thursday, at Divan Orange. It was a great show, the first three bands were awesome. Elks, really fun, Burning Love did a great job and Naam were amazing, they just ripped the place up. Then the headliners Quest for Fire started up and suddenly, there was this guy with this huge camera with this giant FLASHBULB. He was flashing away, over and over again, from the stage, blinding everyone. So I’m the guy who walked up to him and started yelling in his face to get him to stop doing it. And he did. He was apologetic. He stopped, he changed the flash on his camera and he was a little less intrusive. But it didn’t matter, because suddenly out of nowhere three more photographers with giant flashes in their cameras appeared! Suddenly we’re in the mid­dle of this weird PAPARAZZI FESTIVAL, where people are flashing their cameras and essentially ruining the entire show for us. Every 20 seconds there’s a blinding flash going off, in this small, nice, intimate, perfect, venue. So they took photos for 20 minutes or so and then they all fucked off. Show’s not over but, strangely enough, the life seemed to get sucked out of the band when the cameras left! They played a couple more songs and then they just sort of SKULKED OFF stage at the end, despite the admiration of the crowd. So I guess my rant is a kind of fuck you to these weird photographers who show up at Pop Montreal shows.  And also to Pop Montreal, for licensing people to come in and screw up the show for people who are there to enjoy the performances and not have their experience ruined by these photographers. [BLEEP!]

M NVP here, extremely urgent! My relatives who tortured me psychologically in the name of Satan, they all died, okay? Drug overdoses, suicide. I don’t take any DELIGHT and I don’t have any sense of TRIUMPH over them because of that. I’m a nice guy. But they delved into things no human being should and, when you do, it drives you to insanity. The metal that I listen to is the kind of metal that can get you through the darkest night. You don’t need Satan. You don’t need evil. That’s my message to all the young people out there. Good, clean metal, it’s out there. You’ve got to look. You’ll find it. [BLEEP!]

M Hello Montreal. This is your lord and master, Satan, here to remind you that Rush SUCKS. See you in hell. [BLEEP!]

M This is for all the wonderful nice little DRIVERS out there. Listen, you can answer your phone while you’re driving. You can check your iPod and change the songs. You can dial the radio and you can text message people. Simple question: why can’t you put your fucking FLASHERS on when you’re turning left? Thank you all. [BLEEP!]

M I just want to inform all the AMT passengers who take the train from Montreal to Two Mountains that, when I’m walking through the train, I don’t mind it being uncomfortable to BRUSH UP against you. All you guys have to do is move. We can do it the easy way or the hard way. You can move out of the way and let me walk by and nobody gets bothered. Or I can brush and squeeze my way through you, running my fingers across your ass, brushing my body against your tits. I don’t mind, it doesn’t bother me. So your choice—the easy or the hard way. Very simple. [BLEEP!]

F Hey Rant Line™. This is in response to NoAH. I’m a NDG resident and I think all you taggers should go tag your FOREHEADS. I am not number 88. I’m just someone who has respect for oth­er people and their surroundings, for which you taggers have none. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M To this guy NoAh. Man, you’re pissed off because somebody is writing graffiti over your graffiti? Well, now you know how the people who own the property you’re DEFACING feel like. You total putz! And this whole no asshole thing? Yeah, there is one asshole: you. Get a job, get a life. [BLEEP!]

M This is 88. You know what the 88 stands for? That’s the amount of STITCHES I’m going to put in your face if I catch you spray-painting my wall again. Asshole. [BLEEP!]

M Man, I’m trying not to step on all these friggin’ SNAILS but they stand in the worst spots. [BLEEP!]

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