Naked ladies wanted

Dear Sasha, I’ve been living here in Montreal for two years and a half. I grew up in a Mus­lim country, so I haven’t been with any woman the whole my life. And in my 32 years I haven’t seen a nude woman yet, only one time in a picture.

In my country, you need to be married to be with a woman. Me, I didn’t, that’s why I lived alone and grew up with this mentality. Here in Montreal, I continued in the same way, because I feel shy. I don’t know, am I crazy? When I read you in the newspaper I was sur­prised by what people talk about, so I decided to write to you this message. I’d appreciate any help or advice from you to get out of this.

Someone told me to start watching porn videos to learn and to finish with this shyness, but I didn’t ask more. Can you send me some secure websites of free adult porn videos or films to watch or download?

I began using the Internet three months ago. Thanks for your help.

—Raba

Dear Raba,There are many ways you can see nude women in Montreal and other Canadian cities. You can go to a strip club, for example, where women are there specifically to be seen nude in a sexual manner. You may sit by the stage for a better view, but it is considered respectful not to stay for too long if you’re not getting personal dances and you must buy a beverage, though it doesn’t have to be alcohol-­based. Do not masturbate or take photos. This will result in an awkward and potentially painful scene.

I know how religion can make figuring out sexuality very difficult. You and I have both been raised with impressions of women and sex and sexuality that are very damning, very confusing and anathema to our natural feelings.

My friend Cory writes about sexuality for About.com. Though you may not be part­nered, I would recommend reading his articles “Nine weeks to better sex” just to get a sense of what it’s all about sexuality.about.com/gi/ec/sexuality_1_1.htm. If you can pick up the Good Vibrations Guide to Sex, that would be a worthwhile investment too.

When looking for online porn, my friend Seska says, “Usually people are concerned about security when they are giving personal information through a form on a website. If a website is secure it will be https not http. That means any information you give will be encrypted. With a regular connection someone can intercept the information.” There are some porn websites where you don’t have to give any information at all, for example pornhub.com.

If you feel like purchasing some erotic films, I might suggest starting out with something from the Comstock Films: comstockfilms.com. Their films feature real life couples and between scenes the couples talk about how they met and what they find attractive about one another and what their relationship is like. The sex in the films is more realistic—though there are scenes that feature close­ups, generally the couples aren’t straining to achieve certain unrealistic positions.

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More info for Ted regarding sex surrogacy:

Shai Rotem from ISPA added this: “The involvement of the team sex therapist and a certified surrogate partner is the cornerstone of this therapy process. Sessions with the therapist are interwoven with the surrogate partner sessions in order to facilitate under­standing and change. The first steps toward surrogate partner therapy include establish­ing a relationship with a skilled sex therapist or psychotherapist.”

Unfortunately there are no IPSA certified surrogate partners practicing in Canada. Rotem sug­gests working with an American surrogate in what’s called intensive surrogate partner therapy.

“IPSA organized the intensive therapy referral program so individuals from across the country would be able to participate in high quality surrogate partner therapy at roughly the same cost as a local program,” says Rotem.

“California intensives are the most common and easiest to arrange.” What this means is that you’d take some time off, book a hotel and do your sessions in California. You can read more about the intensive referral program on the IPSA website: surrogatetherapy.org/IntensiveTherapy.html. ■

Got any questions for Sasha? E-MAIL: POULEDELUXE@YAHOO.COM

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