RIDIKULUS!

The Ultimate Harry Potter and Philosophy: Hogwarts for Muggles reveals the deeper meaning beyond the wand

Dust off your wizard hat, young Muggle! I can see you, donning your brightest Gryffindor colours and running to the cinema for the latest

chapter of the Potter saga. But calm yourself, young Muggle! This is not just a simple children’s tale! You can’t just saunter in, clueless and innocent! Petrificus Totalus! Now that I’ve petrified your body, you must know that there is a deeper message and questions to be answered. Is death something to be mastered? Is love the most powerful magic of all? Is it legal yet to think that Ron Weasley is a sexy ginger beast? Thank­fully, an elite team of philosophers explains it all, exploring the philosophy behind all seven Potter books.

The Ultimate Harry Potter and Philosophy: Hogwarts for Muggles discusses all kinds of important themes: identity, love, death and more. Eric Saidel writes an entire chapter about J.K. Rowling’s depiction of the soul through Sirius Black, Potter’s godfather. Saidel wonders why Sirius acts like a dog—if he is actually a man who just turns into a dog. Is he then a dog or a man? Does he have the mind of a dog? Or the mind of a man? Why is he chasing his tail? Where does his human body go? After turning in circles for several pages and referring to René Descartes (seriously), Saidel comes to the conclusion that Sirius is, in fact, part man and part dog. Shit damn, the mind and body are connected, so when you have the body of a dog… you get it?

Moving on to how Harry Potter is all about radical feminism, Anne Collins Smith writes that Rowling promotes an “egalitarian magical socie­ty.” Others disagree, because “the act of giggling is a lightning rod for feminist commentary,” and the Potter women giggle a lot, while the men are heroic and have badass lightning bolt scars. At least the female villains are powerful, because they demonstrate what Smith calls “phallic pow­er.” She concludes by saying that what really makes the books resonate with radical feminism is love.

Smith says the power of reason is a masculine trait, while the power of emotion is a feminine one. Since Harry Potter loves everybody, he’s obvi­ously a feminist. Voldemort is supposedly evil, because he’s not feminine enough. Looks to me like he kinda spends most of his time flying around in a dress. Is that feminism too, Smith? Incendio! Hey Smith, your house is on fire! Next up, I’m going to thrust some phallic power your way!

Other enlightening ideas found in this book revolve around hidden political themes. The authors suggest that Rowling may be encouraging racism by separating the students into different Houses. They notice that most of the characters are white, but argue that Rowling promotes multiculturalism because the wizards interact with werewolves and mythical hybrid species that really exist in these people’s heads. What­ever works, but personally, I think house-elves should be kept in the kitchen, like women.

Another important question to ask: Is Hogwarts a good school? One has to wonder about the educational merits of a school where lessons include playing with brooms. Gregory Bassham names the pros of Hogwarts, like hands-on learning and stuff. What are the bad sides? Oh you know, the school is dangerous because ghoul-type creatures try to suck your soul sometimes. Also, you don’t actually learn anything, like math or… reading? Yo Bassham, they’re wizards! Can’t they just point their wands at their heads and say something like “Knowledgeablio!”

I understand that times can be tough for you philosophy types, but I’m pretty sure that Rowling wasn’t thinking about the meaning of life, or how souls live on after death, when she was writing. I’m pretty sure she just wanted to tell this awesome story about young wizards discovering their sex­uality and putting spells on each other. But maybe I’m just saying this because, as a fellow wizard, I think this book reveals too much about our way of life. Look into my wand: Obliviate! ■

THE ULTIMATE HARRY POTTER AND PHILOSOPHY: HOGWARTS FOR MUGGLES,EDITED BY GREGORY BASSHAM, JOHN WILEY & SONS, SC, 288 PP, $21.95

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