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Threesomes and scat

Dear Sasha, My awesome wife of 10-plus years wants to sleep with women—correction, wants us to sleep with women. This makes both of us hot and bothered, and we’re going to try a threesome. More so, my gal wants us to hire an escort, which I’m also cool with.

We’re trying to educate ourselves on the sex trade and have been looking at many local escort websites, but don’t know how to determine if a service provider is good, or more specifically, doesn’t exploit vulnerable and marginalized women. We want our escort to be a willing, consenting professional. Any tips on how we can be sure that whatever provider we go with treats their employ­ees/contractors with dignity and respect?

—Lucky Boy

Dear Lucky,

You have clearly been looking for a companion through agencies. What I can tell you is that women who work through agencies only make a certain percentage of what you pay them. This is a choice many escorts make because they don’t want to have to screen their clients, drive to their calls or book them. The complaint I hear most from agency girls is that they wish they were mak­ing more money, but the facts are laid out before them—there are no hidden costs and they can go independent if they choose.

Independent companions do all their own screening and booking. They choose their own web designers, their own photographers and generally write all the copy for their websites. What this means is that you can get a better sense of who they are or at least how they choose to present as workers. If you are curious about the services they offer, you may ask them directly or you may search the review boards for details of their services. The review boards also contain details of agencies. CERB (The Canadian Escort Recommendation Board) and MERB (Montreal Escort Review Board) are two reputable boards.

Dear Sasha, My boyfriend asked an interesting question the other day and after almost an hour of Googling we came up with nothing to satisfy our curiousity. We figured if anyone could uncover the answer, you could! How do scat porn performers ingest feces and not get sick? My bf has developed an interest in scat porn (a solo adventure—not really my bag) and has of late stumbled across the work of Veronica Moser. He’s told me wild tales of her eating her own shit, other people’s shit, mixing urine and feces and drinking it…all without puking. I think it must be a camera trick, he swears it’s not. I’ll take his word for it, but isn’t there a risk of e-coli infection? Isn’t urine lethal? How is this safe for human consumption? How does she even get it down? For both of us, the smallest bit of poop on a butt toy is enough to trigger at least some gag reflex. How do these performers do it?

—Two Curious

Dear Two,

In the nearly 18 years that I have been writing my column I have never stumbled across Veronica Moser. To say the very least, she is something else. I have long used the term ‘shit-fucked’ to describe being incredibly hungover. Moser uses the term more literally: she enjoys being fucked with shit. People who like to eat shit do not gag because they like eating shit. That is kind of the bottom line. Now, if you watch the interview with Moser here:http://bit.ly/apPkUX you will note that she trained herself to eat shit. Buckets of it, in fact.

Moser says she has “a pig’s stomach” and claims to have never had a problem in the 20 years she has been ingesting shit. I find this difficult to believe since there are so many fecal-borne virus­es and she seems to eat and bang plenty of random shit, but then, Ron Jeremy claims to have never contracted an STI in his many years doing unprotected porn. (By the way, urine is not lethal. Urine is, in fact, sterile until it reaches the urethra).