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Parlez dirty to moi

Chère Sasha, My lover has been away for a while. The only way to have a bit of fun together is by phone. I come easily. Not him. What can I say to him? What kind of dirty talk?

I know that he can come by himself alone, but I want to be involved like he did for me. We are great lovers. We make love very often when we are together. Most of the time, it’s amazing for both of us. If I’m good in bed I’m not so good on the phone. As you can see, my English fails to express myself. I’m a French woman and he’s an English man. Maybe it’s a part of the problem. I’m shy and I just don’t know what to say. Have you any suggestions for me?
—B. Equal

Dear B, Mastering the art of dirty talk may seem awkward and embarrassing at first but once you get the hang of it, you will find it one of the most effective ways of satisfying a lover.

You probably already know this but sometimes just saying shit in French is enough to give a person a boner. If you find your English somewhat deficient in its erotic vocabulary, going back and forth from one language to the other isn’t a bad idea. In my experience, sometimes simply repeating a forceful and melodious phrase really helps bring a person to the place where they can focus, relax and find orgasm.
You’d be surprised at how little it takes to turn someone on with this type of repetition. While some folks like a long and involved narrative, sometimes a simple, “I need you to fuck me really hard right now” telling them to get their cock out and stroke it and then repeating a few choice ideas over and over is very enticing. The road map to ejaculation is fairly easily accessed verbally. We are often so silent during sex—our mouths are seriously underused and being a verbal lover is something I really encourage people to explore. Not only is it a wonderful way to turn someone on, it is deeply empowering.

If you want to put something together that is more involved, write a script to bolster your confidence. Perhaps it would help to buy some erotic fiction to get some ideas (check out some of the selections here: http://bit.ly/Aj9T8C).

As you are coming up with ideas, remember that repetition is very compelling; circle back to one point with some frequency, listen to your partner’s cues and ask if they are enjoying them­selves. Let him know that you’re turned on as well and if words occasionally escape you, don’t hold back on the sounds. Be enthusiastic in your own reactions and remember that this is pure fanta­sy, so you’re welcome to fake it with as much extravagance as you want.

Dear Sasha, What’s your opinion on flirting, or having a crush on someone at work? I’m talking about 30+ professionals, both already engaged to someone else (but without kids). All opinions on that matter say it’s definitely a “No-No!” but since I’ve enjoyed reading your column for the past 10+ years, I’d take your word over everybody else’s, be they positive or negative.

—Work Crusher
Dear Work Crusher, What is my opinion on people who are engaged engaging in flirtation and crush? I think you’re getting a good head start on two of the things that are going to carry you through monogamy and marriage. As for the shenanigans taking place at work, well, you gotta break up the drudgery of nine-to-five somehow, right? Now, if things go past flirtation, then you’ve opened up a can of crap you won’t easily be able to close. You compromise both your job and your relationship in one fell swoop. I think as long as you both keep your pants on, are discreet and do not make the work environment uncomfortable and awkward for your co-workers, then by all means have a little crush to brighten up your day.

I guess another concern is if you should share this information with your fiancé(e). I would, but I don’t generally have a problem talking to my partners about this sort of stuff and if I feel comfortable and appreciated by my partner, I actually enjoy hearing about their work time crushes and flirty exchanges. I think it’s up to you to gauge how disclosure might go over and deal with any feelings of duplic­ity or guilt you might have about it.