home Dear Sasha Looking for a rump to thump

Looking for a rump to thump

Dear Sasha, I was told that maybe you could help me. I’m interested in spanking and would like to spank a girl who consents to being spanked. Are there any places where I could meet someone who would like to be spanked or has a fetish such as this?

—Paul

Dear Paul, I don’t know if you’ve heard of this thing called “the Internet.” All you have to do is type in the words of what you want and you can have it. Type in “knitting with dog hair” for exam­ple. You’ll find a book that shows you how to do this and also maybe get a better sense of where I’m at in terms of things that pique my own interest.

I guess what I’m saying is that spanking as a sexual interest is not something that you should have any trouble finding online—though a willing and free partner for a novice might be a bit of a challenge. Put up a profile on a website like fetlife.com, a free social networking site for the BDSM and fetish community. There you can also join interest groups and learn about parties local to your area. You can also learn the etiquette of fetish parties and get tips from old timers.

There’s a lot of protocol involved in the BDSM community, bordering at the best of times on precious, and many folks who are active on message boards love nothing more than to share the ins and outs of their extremely fascinating underground lifestyles. Take these enthusiasts with a grain of salt if they seem a bit high-handed and smug. For many of them, this is all consuming.


Dear Sasha, After reading your column “Ice, ass, baby” (April 8, 2004) I decided to give the ice cubes a try. Holy crap! I noticed you’d said the chilldo was too large for anal play, but I’ve set about a way to fix that:

1.       Put the water in the condom and tie the knot.

2.       Wrap it all up in a tea towel and keep the towel closed with elastic bands…Presto!

—Maanity

Dear Maanity, You’ve come up with a great innovation to the chilldo. By putting elastics around the tea towel you can also create ridges in the ice. Nice!

Another way of creating a cold sensation in dildo form is by actually putting a dildo in the freezer. I know this seems like an incredibly simple idea, but it actually came to me because I work at a queer theatre and I opened the freezer in the green room one day to find a packer (this is a soft dildo that transmen and drag kings use to give themselves a bulge) sitting on a plate. I don’t know why it was in there but given some of the things I’ve found and seen in this theatre, I wasn’t at all surprised. It’s entirely possible that someone put it in there to use as a cold pack for an injury. Why waste a bag of peas, right?

I would also suggest trying a metal dildo. I’ve often recommended Vergenza’s products (inspiredbyvergenza.com). They heat up and retain cold very well and their shapes are very anally compatible.


Dear Sasha, Your column flagged on one of our monitors (“It’s a date!” March 1, 2012) and I wondered if you had heard about TheyFit? While we are made from latex, people often remark how subtle any scent is. We also have the benefit of being blow-your-mind revolutionary custom fitted condoms (95 sizes!) that for the first time offer a condom so comfortable men actually wantto wear it—imagine! Currently not available in Canada but I suspect some clever citizens are circumventing that.

—Joe Nelson

Dear Joe, Thank you for bringing your product to our attention. I love the idea of bespoke condoms and of course they come from Britain. You people sure know how to tailor apparel! Also, most men seem to love nothing more than to spend hours painstakingly measuring their dicks so TheyFit actually gives them a reasonable excuse to do this. Folks, Joe offered to send me some condoms to try but I’ve got no regular male lovers these days, so if you’re interested in testing some out for us, send along your measurements and I’ll send them off to him. Go on the website (theyfit.co.uk) to access the measurement page. First come first serve. Or is it first serve first come?