by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Athina Mougoyannis

Age: Indeterminate

Occupation: Laser hair removal technician

Bio: This gentle yet delightfully coy free spirit of a German-born, Swiss-raised, downtown-residing Greek goddess owned a spa in Switzerland with her husband before growing bored of the venture and deciding it was time to find something new to get excited about. Soon discovering the miracle of laser hair removal, she became "thoroughly fascinated by it. Laser hair removal is my passion." Recognizing her life's calling, she promptly went about studying a bit o' biology, a bit o' electrolysis and "contacted clinics all over Europe to get a better understanding of this mysterious new hair removal technique done with lasers." Now working at Atlantis Laser on Monkland (www.atlantislaser.com), Athina says, "Before I got into this I never realized so many people have so many hair problems. But this is what makes it so interesting. And [hair removal] makes people so happy, it just makes me so happy that I can help them."

How it works: By "coagulating the blood vessels, cutting off the source of nourishment to any new hairs that want to grow back. Essentially, you cut the source of life to the follicle."

Might it be painful to have the hair on one's testicles burned away by lasers? "It depends on your tolerance level. People don't like it so much but it's not that painful, and they feel it's worth the results."

What's so horrible about a little fur anyway? "It's not all aesthetic, you know. A lot of people have real hair problems, medical problems, hormonal conditions. In these instances we can do maintenance treatments which may help them to live better."

Could the bearded lady who used to work the freak show at Belmont Park get her beard burned away courtesy of Medicare? Not a chance, man.

One group of large hairy men with shrunken genitals who like the treatment: Steroid-chomping athletes. "Steroids stimulate a lot of hair growth, you know."

One indication of her commitment: "When you're passionate like this about something, all you want to do is achieve the very best results. Every client becomes a case for you to study. Sometimes it stays in your mind overnight, even in your dreams. It's really intense."

Does she personally prefer unhairy lovers? Not especially.

Does it cost more to zap a fat hairy ass than a skinny one? Generally yes, because there is more room to cover.

Does she ever feel vaguely uncomfortable digging around somebody's anal region looking for follicles to fry? Not in the slightest. "As a technician you just go for your target, which is to take off the hair on the skin. There is no question of shame, it's very neutral. It's just hair on skin."

Musical preferences: Prince.

Childhood ambition: A talented athlete, she once aspired to become an Olympic gymnast.

Words of wisdom: "Be free, be happy, enjoy your life. As far as we know we don't get to live it twice."

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca