by MARK SLUTSKY

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

As the sequel to the first Resident Evil movie, which was based on the popular video game, this looked like a promising B-grade monster flick. Sadly though, it just stinks. In this one, Raccoon City (more on that later) suffers an outbreak of the undead. This leads the evil Umbrella Corporation to quarantine the whole area, leaving various innocents and badasses inside. Milla Jovovich returns to her role as warrior woman Alice. But you get the sense that she only agreed to a couple of days of shooting, as she's only really onscreen for a third of the film. For the rest of the time we're treated to many, many subplots involving many, many characters, like a really bad Altman movie with zombies (only not as good as that makes it sound).

The most entertaining thing about Apocalypse is the way the filmmakers pretend that it's not set in Toronto. You see the CN Tower in establishing shots and the big climax takes place at the city's very recognizable city hall, and yet… "Raccoon City"? Who are they kidding? (I'm assuming that name comes straight from the game.) Otherwise it's a hodge-podge of goofy Canadian actors and extremely bad action sequences. Oh, there is a big mutant dude who looks like the Toxic Avenger and the very tasteless sight of naked zombie prostitutes, if that's your thing.

Intern Academy

Can we just start with the title here? Intern Academy? Who names a movie Intern Academy? Is that a joke? Could this movie sound more like a porno or worse, a Police Academy-inspired spoof? Apparently the name is a late change from the original, Whitecoats, which doesn't sound that exciting, but still… Intern Academy?

Okay, now that that's out of the way, what we have on our hands here is a sometimes-amusing comedy written and directed by Canuck funnyman Dave Thomas of SCTV fame. Set at the run-down St. Albert's Hospital, the film follows a bunch of eager, horny young interns as they learn the ropes of the medical system. Basically, if you've seen the show Scrubs, you've seen this movie, as they have a lot in common (some of the actors even look freakishly similar).

The cast of young unknowns is supplemented by a bunch of venerable Canadian comedy types: Thomas himself, as the prickly doc in charge; Dan Aykroyd as the hospital administrator who sells equipment out the back door to keep the place afloat; Dave Foley as the comically arrogant star heart surgeon; and Maury Chaykin, Matt Frewer, and Saul Rubinek in smaller roles. Intern Academy does have some laughs here and there and it's got a bit of a dirty mind. But when it goes all E.R., it doesn't quite make the grade. Somewhere between not bad and not great.

A Silent Love

And so we come to our second poorly titled Canadian feature of the week (still, it's no Intern Academy). This Mexican-Canadian co-production is actually a lot better than its name suggests. Noel Burton plays Norman, a Montreal teacher who heads to Mexico to meet a woman through an Internet marriage service (basically, a mail-order bride). That would be Gladys (Vanessa Bauche), a schoolteacher some 25 years or so his junior. She and her mother (Susana Salazar) return to Norman's Mile-End flat, where things unsurprisingly get complicated, especially when Norman seems to be falling for his new mother-in-law.

A Silent Love is an absorbing, quiet little movie. From the description it really could be another clunky Canadian bore, but it gets by on a strong script (by Paulina Robles and director Federico Hidalgo) and some very good, understated performances by the leads. The drama unfolds in easy, organic way without overt contrivance. However, it does wander a little by the end and skip around most of the sex stuff, which seems like it should be more central to the plot. It feels somewhat too modest for its own good. As well, certain things are set up (like the character of Gladys's brother) without any satisfying pay-off. Still, it's always heartening to see a Montreal movie this solid.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Intern Academy
and A Silent Love open Friday, Sept. 10

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