F This is Angela, and this rant is for the girl who got kicked out of Unity because she wouldn't check her coat. She was complaining that it was a million degrees below zero: last time I checked it was summertime so bringing a parka to a club is really not necessary. And she seemed to be convinced that it was a case of non-gay bashing. It's not Queer as Folk, they're not the Pink Posse and the reason they wanted her to take her coat off is because it looks ridiculous to be in a bar wearing your fucking jacket in the fucking summertime. For all they knew, she was packing drugs and guns and God knows what else. Peace out. [BLEEP!]

F I'm calling to rant about some sick prick bastard who stole my purse at Club Orchid last Friday. I had a wallet with no money inside, lip gloss and a cell phone. I called up my cell, this prick made me drive to five different locations to get my stuff and then he tells me that he was MASTURBATING. And then he asked me for money to get my stuff back but I never found him and he turned off my phone. So to all you respectful, nice people in Montreal out there who find a lime green purse or wallet, please give me a call. [BLEEP!]

M I'd like to know where all the SKINHEADS in the city have gone to or where they are hanging out now. Please get back to me. [BLEEP!]

M Marijuana farmers, please, please, please no more M39. It doesn't get me high, doesn't get me stoned, doesn't smell good, doesn't taste good - it only looks good. No more M39 please! This entire city is saturated with it. No more M39! I'm begging you! There are so many kinds of strains out there that are beautiful. Please. [BLEEP!]

F [slowly slurring] Yeah, I just wanted to say that I don't understand why there's no more pushers any more at Berri metro. We can't find them and it sucks, man. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M There are so many junkies on St-Dominique behind 4 Frères. This is worse than Victoria, this is like Vancouver style. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, to the girl ranting about the strip clubs and the no black policy, I believe it's probably more of a NO PIMP policy. [BLEEP!]

F I'm an ANGRY BLACK FEMALE. I graduated from university and I can't find me a job and I don't mean to offend anyone but I'm tired of working as a ho. So please, someone, find me a job, give me a job. Bye. [BLEEP!]

F For all the people who complain that there is no FETISH SCENE here in Montreal, I'll tell you why. I am a dominatrix and I have worked in different countries and Montreal is the worst city I've ever worked in. People here are cheap bullshitters and they always want free stuff. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I'm just across from the Atwater metro entrance which is just across from the AMC Forum. I was just walking by there and I looked in the window of the little shack there and there were two homeless people in there. One of them was just lying there and she had nothing on but a bra and her buddy was very roughly SLAPPING HER TITS. I don't know if it's some kind of weird foreplay thing that homeless people do but I must say I found it rather shocking to see. If you ever walk by the metro shelter near the exit that goes into the Alexis Nihon Plaza, you might want to be ready for some pretty rough S & M tit-slapping. [BLEEP!]

M Hi. This is to the guy who says that the eye on top of the pyramid on the American one dollar bill is a symbol for LUCIFER. I don't know where he's getting his information from but he couldn't be more wrong. That symbol is known as the All-Seeing Eye of God - it's got nothing to do with Lucifer. It's God looking down over us all. And when it's used in the American seal, it's the eye of Providence. And as for the pentagram, I don't know how it got its connections with Satan but its origins are not Satanic. In engineering and freemasonry, this is known as the Golden Ratio. I'm not American, I'm not an engineer, I'm not a Freemason, but at least I'm informed. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, there's no such thing as Kabbalah water or Kabbalah bracelets. Madonna is being scammed by a BLACK MAGICIAN posing as a Kabbalah guy! [BLEEP!]

M I'm just sitting here with my girlfriend watching TV and we just saw a commercial for The Brick and they were advertising a SUPER FLAT screen TV. If anyone knows what super flat is, can you please call in and let me know because I didn't think you could get any flatter than flat. Thanks. [BLEEP!]

M This is final. I'm on my own. You're all on your own. Sorry. [BLEEP]

Next week: Open forum