Dear Sasha: I'm a 25-year-old male who had a threesome with another woman and my girlfriend of two years (the other woman was a semi-casual friend we both know). The whole idea was actually my girlfriend's suggestion, and I went along with it. We talked about it beforehand, and agreed that this was just supposed to be a sexual experiment. Anyhow, it was about a month and a half ago, and since then my girlfriend's behaviour has become increasingly out of control - she's become obsessively jealous and is now constantly accusing me of wanting other women more than her. I thought the actual threesome was fun, but I haven't seen the third party sexually since and would have no intention if it wasn't something my girlfriend and I both wanted to do. Moreover, I haven't even suggested to my girlfriend that it's something I'd like to do again. I feel like my relationship is now completely falling apart, and I don't know what to do about it. How do I get her to let it go? » No More Three for Me

Dear No More,
You just let me take care of this. Please give the paper to your girlfriend and show her this reply. News flash: engaging in a threesome that you suggested, and that your boyfriend partook in with a great deal of grace, does not give you licence to treat him like the kind of guy who snivelled for it, totally neglected you during it, then continued to pursue the third party. You are not allowed, I repeat not allowed, to suggest or participate in group sex again until you can do it without acting like a big jackass afterwards. You know how you're behaving? Like one of those legendary wack-job girlfriends, the ones that, even without direct provocation, we have all embodied at one time or another. (Note to my first long-term boyfriend Donovan: yes, honey, I am referring to the way I treated you, well, pretty much all the time.)

If you keep acting loco and your boyfriend breaks up with you (and who could blame him? First you propose a threesome and then you treat him like he was all piggy about it. Seriously, what's your next cunning manoeuvre, fucking his ass and then insisting he's gay?), you're also not allowed to turn this into a drama about how group sex fucked up your relationship. Group sex already has a bad enough reputation without people exaggerating its ills. If you are having self-esteem problems with this, look inward. Check out The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt for suggestions on owning your shit.

Dear Sasha: It being the summer season and all, one expects some ants around the home. But last night, while my wife lay sleeping next to me, I noticed the wastebasket in our loft was teeming with hundreds of large black ants. They were found nowhere else, just the wastebasket. The only thing they could have been attracted to, we surmised, were the three used condoms in the basket. There was nothing else save for some paper. So, our question is, what would ants be more attracted to: boy come, girl come, or rubber? » Ants In Our Pants

Dear Ants,
Could be all three. Ants, as those of us who swoop about the house all summer in caftans leaving sticky drink rings on all surfaces know, love sugar, and sugar comes in various incarnations. If there was lubricant on your condom that contained glycerine, there's one source. Boy come, which is alkaline, contains high levels of fructose, there's another. Girl come, which is acidic, contains sugar only when it's unhealthy, like when the environment is disrupted by a bacterial infection, though there is glucose in female ejaculate, which springs from a different well. Basically your garbage pail is the hippest new fusion cuisine restaurant in town for ants. Take a closer look: are they all on little cell phones talking it up to their friends?

Got any questions for Sasha? Write her at
465 McGill Street, 3rd floor, Montreal, Quebec, H2Y 4B4
Fax: 393-3173
e-mail: pouledeluxe@yahoo.com