M This is Li'l Andy, songwriter and head evangelist of Li'l Andy and the Karaoke Cowboys. To the person or persons who have been writing "fuck all you bast" on several of our posters, I think the word you're looking for is bastards. That's b-a-s-t-a-r-d-s. And, secondly, thanks for painstakingly trying to tear down all of those posters - albeit unsuccessfully. If you're so hell bent on trying to rip them down, that means you're feeling kind of threatened, doesn't it? And if you feel threatened, well, colour me country, that means we're on to something real good. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is for that guy who ranted about the Warped Tour and bands like Good Charlotte and A Simple Plan. A lot of these guys say they're punks but they're not. They do the LOOK, but when it comes to revolution, they don't want to take part in it, man. It's just the look, man, just the look. It's bullshit. Sex and money, that's all they think of. [BLEEP!]

M To the guy complaining about upper-middle-class punks and their values. I'm sorry, it doesn't matter where you come from, being punk is a state of mind. I wear a SUIT AND TIE sometimes but it doesn't matter because I'm punker than all those bastards out there. It's all in your mind - it's an attitude of not putting up with the establishment and not buckling to authority. It's about questioning what people tell you and having the balls to go out there and fight for it. So don't get hung up on fashion and looks - look at the deeper cause. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, this is Time responding to Eric's search for help with his alcohol and drug problem. I used to do music here in Montreal about 10 years ago and I too had drug and alcohol problems. I agree that AA is not the most sympathetic group of people to hang out with. Eric, if you want to continue working and seeing shows, you have the option of going to your local hospital and finding an outpatient treatment program. If you live near the General there's the Griffith Edwards house, where there's an addictions unit. You may not need to be HOSPITALIZED, but if your drug problem is really severe, like cocaine or heroin, I would strongly recommend it. I hospitalized myself once, mostly for depression, but the drugs didn't help. So I would suggest an outpatient addiction support group if you don't want to be in the hospital and you want to be able to work. And that's all Time has to say about drugs and alcohol. [BLEEP!]

M In my 35 years in this city I have met at least three so-called point men for the Discordian Society or various ERISTIC affiliations here in Montreal. They are all bogus! None of them is the real anything. There is no real anything. I don't know what all this is about, I think it's just more bullshit. Let's stop CLOGGING UP Discordianism with all this misinformation. [BLEEP!]

M This is BONDSAC. You can always Google my name to learn about me and my humble origins. As the new official spokesperson for the Discordian Society, to begin with, we do not exist. The Discordian Society is a myth. Conspiracy theorists and other losers without a sex life can confirm this factoid by attending one of our regular meetings at our Hellfire on the corner of St-Marc and Sherbrooke every Friday at midnight. Join us as we worship Eris, the Roman goddess of strife and chaos, surrounded by SCANTILY CLAD escorts. Thank-you for allowing me to waste a minute of your time in this consensual hallucination we desperately call reality. As always, vote Bondsac. [BLEEP!]

M You guys wanna hear about a conspiracy? I'll tell you about a conspiracy. A conspiracy to get rid of all the delicious 99-CENT PIZZA in Montreal. It started off when the vendors eliminated 99 cent pizza at 3 a.m. - when we really needed it the most after a hard night of drinking - and now they're scaling it back even more. Gradually there will be no more 99-cent pizza! This is a threat to all the people who like to get drunk and then have a slice. We have to rise up against this conspiracy of removing 99 cent pizza from me! Thank-you. [BLEEP!]

M Hey, Diaper Boy, I'm glad you're back, man. We need more people like you in this fucked up society. Express yourself by all means. We need more brave people like you. Welcome back, man. [BLEEP!]

M To that woman who said she wanted to shit and fart on every man who has broken her heart. Well, I strongly encourage her to do so. Some guys actually like that stuff. If you don't believe me, check out www.scatbabes.com and www.theshithole.com. And also, I want to leave a comment for Diaper Boy. I just wanted to say that I share his FRUSTRATION. I've been in Montreal for almost four years and I still haven't been able to find any fetish club that caters to people with hardcore fetishes. [BLEEP!]

Next issue: Open forum