by CHRIS BARRY

Rumour has it this was supposed to be the film where heartthrob Colin Farrell finally pulled out his legendary peestick for all to admire. The scene in question, however, was ultimately cut by first-time feature director Michael Mayer after test audiences found Farrell's apparently semi-hard erection "too distracting." Now personally, I like to think I've got better things to do with my cash than spend 13 hard-earned dollars sizing up Farrell's bone, but after suffering through this stupid movie I almost wish they'd left the scene intact. At least then there might have been something marginally eventful to talk about from this embarrassingly sucky film.

A Home at the End of the World, based on the novel by Michael Cunningham (who also penned the screenplay), is the story of two friends. After meeting as teenagers and becoming brothers of a sort, they forge a relationship that takes them into adulthood. And a complex relationship it is.

After everyone in his family dies, the adolescent Farrell gets adopted into his best friend's clan. Farrell's character is a smart, hip, dope-smoking dude who not only turns his bud's mom Sissy Spacek into a pothead but comes damn close to seducing her as well. He also enters into a vaguely bizarre homosexual relationship with his amigo (Dallas Roberts) as the two kids regularly play dinkies together after Spacek has put them to bed.

Jump forward a few years to the '80s and Farrell's childhood pal has moved to NYC, where he is leading an openly gay, yet emotionally empty, life. Farrell follows him there and they get involved in an odd love triangle with an older woman (Robin Wright Penn). Together, they all learn valuable lessons on love, life and the nature of family. And that's all you need to know - other than to avoid this movie. Farrell, arguably a talented actor, is woefully miscast in his role, and witnessing Mayer so thoroughly fail in his attempt to convey the essence of Cunningham's book in cinematic form is downright painful. This is one damn gay movie - and not in a good Harvey Fierstein or Bum Boys of Eden kind of way either - but gay as in, ahem, lame. And there is everything wrong with that.

A Home at the End of the World opens Friday, Aug. 6

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