F Hey. This is a big fuck you to the Jazz fest and their anti-skateboarding rule. Not only were we not allowed to bring our skateboards into the Jazz fest, we couldn't even bring them anywhere near. I'm not just talking about skating them, I'm talking about carrying them in your hands. What's better? Having a held skateboard or being slammed by BABY STROLLERS all day? [BLEEP!]

M I'm sorry, upper-middle-class punks are not punks. They're rich kids trying to piss off their parents. Punks have always been about trying to fuck shit up. Every old-school punk and Nazi punk, whether you like it or not, they cause trouble to make you mad at them. That's the point of punk! It's a way to go, "Fuck you, fuck off and die and leave me the fuck alone to do my GLUE." [BLEEP!]

F This is for the lady defending the West Island who believes that poverty is defined by drive-by shootings and robberies. We do not live in a poor country at all. It doesn't matter if you're from the West Island or Little Burgundy or Verdun. We do not live in a poor country. We're not poor. You are not poor. We live in a very RICH country. Open your eyes, fucking count your blessings and just realize that the West Island is rich. Canada is rich. [BLEEP!]

M This is Produkt from Kops Crew and I'd just like to say that we never claimed that we run this town. Actually it should be obvious to everyone that large multinational corporations run this town. [BLEEP!]

M This is Eric. I've been in the scene for a long time and right now I love going out in Montreal because we have rockin' great bands but, unfortunately, I'm falling more and more into the scene with the ALCOHOL and the DRUGS. I'm just wondering if anyone has somewhere I could phone - not the AA - where I can get some help but keep on working at the same time. Okay, thank-you. [BLEEP!]

F Yes, this is for the girl who's wondering why she shouldn't be high all the time. How about LUNG CANCER by the time you're in your 40s? That's my case. I'm 43 and I've been smoking dope every day for more than 25 years. And if it's not cancer, it will be some other NOT MINOR health problem. Even if your mind always says yes to being stoned, eventually your body will say no. And if you don't listen in time then you better be ready to pay the price. It's a fucking high price. Please be careful. [BLEEP!]

M To all the paranoid CONSPIRACY theorists in Montreal and beyond. Have you ever heard of the conspiracy of coincidence? No? Let me enlighten you. What if there are no conspiracies until enough theories come into existence? What if a few people who read your conspiracy theories said, "That sounds like a good idea, we could do that" and started their own? Or perhaps the only real conspiracy out there is the conspiracy of writers to convince everyone there is a conspiracy? This isn't necessarily a deliberate conspiracy - if enough people start writing about conspiracies, the effect might be the same as if they had deliberately gotten together to convince everyone the conspiracy was real. Bottom line: Principia Discordia. [BLEEP!]

F This is to the guy with the dream about the DECAYING TOOTH. When you lose a tooth in your dream, it means change, man. So if your tooth is decaying in your dream, that means change is coming and I'm gonna guess that it's NOT GOOD. So good luck with that, man. Have good luck. [BLEEP!]

F Hi. This is Time. In response to the person who was afraid of their decaying tooth dream - it's actually more than just decay, it's the fear of DEATH. Either you're afraid of your own death or you're anxious about somebody else's death. Because teeth are part of our skeletal structure and skeletons are symbols of dead people, they're all co-related. So the person is either afraid of his own death or is in some sort of decaying emotional process. [BLEEP!]

F This is the TOOTH FAIRY. Buddy, you dream about decaying teeth and it means you are a DEAD MAN. Sayonara, fucker. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I was just curious to know about the gay community in NDG. I know there's a whole bunch of gay dudes who live out there. Whereabouts do you hang out? Where do you meet? How do you hook up? I would love to meet another gay guy in NDG. Anyway, I was thinking we should make Starbucks on Monkland a GAY HANGOUT where all the gay people in NDG can go and meet each other. If anybody's interested, let's start by meeting on Monday nights! [BLEEP!]

F To the girl looking for the DYKE BARS around Montreal. There are none left but there is a new Femme Fridays going on at Pub Parking, not Club Parking. Lots of girls there, check it out. And there's Meow Mix coming up Pride weekend and Lesbomonde to correspond with the Saturday of Pride weekend. So get yourself ready for the party! [BLEEP!]

Next issue: Open forum