by GABRIEL MORENCY

You see? "Sometimes, when you think you've won, you've really lost, and sometimes, when you think you've lost, you've really won."

Confusing? Maybe, but no truer words have been spoken than those by Rosie Perez in the 1992 playa-hustling classic White Men Can't Jump. A clueless Woody Harrelson didn't get it then and it's pretty clear that Allan "Bud" Selig doesn't get it now.

With the Major League Baseball season past its halfway point, its commissioner has, as expected, painted a rosy picture about the status of the game. Television numbers are up, revenues are at an all-time high, attendance is strong in most markets and for the most part (Montreal notwithstanding), fans have either forgiven or forgotten that in 1994, under his watch as commissioner, no World Series was played.

People have even accepted, if not embraced, the ludicrous notion of giving home field advantage in the World Series to the league that wins the freaking All-Star game. I guess just giving it to the team with the best regular season record makes too much sense in what has become Bud's delusional fantasy world.

Other than the BALCO steroid investigation, Bud's only real headache has been our very own Montreal Expos, whose saga has now gone on longer than U.S. presidential candidate John Kerry's face. And while it seems to be certain that Washington, D.C., or northern Virginia will be the eventual destination for the Expos, the timeline is another story. In case you didn't notice, the All-Star game has come and gone and so has another one of baseball's self-imposed deadlines on the Expos status. Now, the editors of this paper would no doubt tell you that me calling somebody out for missing a deadline is like Christina Aguilera telling Nicole Richie she dresses like a skank, but hey, this isn't about me, it's about Bud and his actions, or better yet, lack thereof.

Apathetic management, 22 games in Puerto Rico, road trips longer than the Vans Warped Tour - it's no wonder the Expos are in the midst of one of their worst seasons in franchise history. And to think, all this to a team whose best interests he is supposed to be looking out for. If this is Bud's rose, I would hate to see his thorn.

Imperfect perfection

As hard as it is to find fault with an undefeated football team, the Montreal Alouettes would be the first to admit that they have not played to the best of their capabilities. Scary thought, if you are an opponent lined up opposite an Alouette team that has won all four games by double-digit figures and by an average of 16.5 points.

The defence has been as dominant as expected, despite not yet having all its starters playing together due to injury. Special teams play has been steady, if not spectacular, thanks in large part to the effort by diminutive

5-foot-4 return specialist Ezra Landry. Surprisingly enough, it has been Anthony Calvillo and the offence that has sputtered so far, as they've lacked the consistency that head coach Don Matthews is looking for.

While they still haven't played everyone in league yet this season, there are whispers in the Als' locker room that this team is good enough to become the league's first-ever undefeated team. While it's obviously too early to start talking of perfect seasons, it is safe to assume that the Alouettes will improve to 5-0 with the Calgary Stampeders in town this Thursday, July 15. The Alouettes have already played Bobby Brown to Calgary's Whitney Houston, smacking them around 32-14 in week two. Expect more of the same. Prediction: Montreal 41-15.

From Russia with love?

Judging by the flurry of signings around the NHL, teams, agents and players alike seem to believe that a new agreement will be reached before the scheduled start of the 2004–05 season. Nonetheless, Bob Gainey can't be happy with reports that José Théodore has received numerous offers from Russian Elite League teams for his services should there be a lockout this September. Destinations like Sweden, Switzerland and Germany would no doubt make Gainey more comfortable than a place where gangland killings and kidnappings have become the norm. Well, if things get really tough, Théodore can always have his family come stay for a while! Sounds like we could have a CBC mini-series on our hands.

Sports Rage with Gabriel Morency is vented weeknights 11 p.m.-2 a.m. on TEAM 990 AM. This column appears bi-weekly. Comments: sportsrage@team990.com