by RAF KATIGBAK

Acid house? Acid wash? Acid casualties? As you may have noticed, with the ever-shortening retro gap, '90s nostalgia is quickly making a comeback. But while Blizzarts' regular Saturday-night sweatfest Chemistry revels in the sounds of new- and old-school acid, and party DJs are as likely to rock Naughty by Nature as they are the latest Jay-Z, there are some decade-old music trends we're still trying to forget.

From Hootie to Hanson, there are some '90s stinkers that will kill any dancefloor (and that's "kill" meaning everyone will walk away with hands on their bellies and queasy feelings). One of the worst '90s dance tracks of all time (barely beating out "Cotton-Eyed Joe" by Rednex) has got to be Jive Bunny's bar-mitzvah-busting bomb "Swing the Mood." Somehow this Euro-stinker managed to top the charts by simultaneously lacking creativity and bastardizing some of music history's classic tracks. If anyone wanted to make a case against the whole mash-up genre, consider this track Exhibit A.

But swing music wasn't always so wack. Okay, so forget about that god-awful Swing Kids movie (they fought the Nazis the best way they knew how - by throwing each other around to Benny Goodman…?!) and the mid-'90s neo-swing movement (featuring the Big Bad Cherry Poppin' Voodoo Daddy Swing Orchestra Revue). When it first came out, swing was libidinous, hedonistic devil music.

Well, at least Chicago house producer Mike Dixon remembers. With releases on France's G-Swing label and Derrick Carter's Classic Records, Dixon's four-on-the-floor workouts swing harder than a soccer mom at l'Orage's two-for-one night. Like the productions by fellow Chicagoans Louis Bell and DJ Sneak, as well as Mr. Scruff's jazz-tinged dancefloor masterpiece "Get a Move On!," Dixon's work adds funk to the upbeat fun of more obscure, Charleston-style brass, bass and jangly guitar samples. Make sure to catch what's sure to be a jacking night at Circus this Friday, July 9, as Dixon joins T.O.'s Mike D. and our own Mightykat.

Those of you who missed Tony Ezzy and the Masters of the Universe's galactic funk explosion at Saphir a while back can catch him this Saturday, July 10, at the Jupiter Room. With his squiggly analog synth lines and Prince-ified drum beats, he's the best thing to happen to electro-funk since Voltron became a drummer. Now if only he could play with Chromeo, we'd have a serious '80s funk jam. Hmmm…

Tonight, July 8, fans of DJ Frigid's Kink! night need to know that they're moving digs upstairs to the Bamboo Room, "where it all began," so to speak. Expect the same trashy rock and electro vibe in a more intimate and debauched atmosphere. Meanwhile over at Blizzarts' Broken Thursdays, Poontz makes his triumphant return from Chile with a set that is "sure to make the ladies swoon with excitement." Yowza!

New digs alert! The brains behind the Refuge Electronik have just opened a new "electronic pub" (which unfortunately has less to do with crazy cyborg waitresses and digital neuro-beer and more to do with techno music). Ambassade (361 Emery, corner St-Denis) promises all sorts of electronica for a rotating roster of DJs and all sorts of beers. Drink up!

Come on everybody, c-c-come on every body! Diskoakimbo@sympatico.ca

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