Dear Sasha: I'm bisexual, yet mostly attracted to men. Due to my career, I have to stay in the closet, and I haven't been active in the gay world. However, a couple of months ago, I started visiting gay bars, even went to bathhouses twice, and most recently to a strip club. Since it hurts me to be rejected, I don't take risks, and don't approach men I like when I go dancing. I'm average looking; perhaps that's why men I'd like don't approach me either. The strip club experience provided me with an excellent chance to kiss and touch good-looking men. I really liked one man in particular, and now I want to know if he might be interested in me too. Do you think I should invite him to a dinner to explore such a possibility? (He might be straight, even though he says he's bi.) And how likely is continuing this affair, since I'm planning to distance myself from the sex industry while he plans to keep on working? Note that I have respect for sex workers, whom I'm a little bit afraid of because of their potential dislike toward me. » Client on the Verge

Dear Client,
If someone said that they wanted to distance themselves from your vocation but still date you, would you believe they respected you? It will be difficult for you to date a gay stripper if you intend to remain both in the closet about your orientation, and deliberately disconnected from their job.

As for asking this fellow out, of course it is possible, when you're working, to fall for a client's charms. It's happened to all of us. But reluctant, skittish, closeted clients make reluctant, skittish, closeted boyfriends, and no one (healthy, anyway) likes to date a person whose bogus reputation forces them to live in secret shame.

Though your instincts are probably a bit mucky, genuine and mutual attraction is something you'll only know if you ask him out, and I will not deny the possibility that you may be putting yourself in a situation where your money is of predominant interest. Sex workers make their living fulfilling fantasies, and sometimes have no problem taking this outside of the workplace. And speaking of workplaces, there are laws against orientation discrimination, so really, your job isn't keeping you in the closet, you are.

Dear Sasha: You wrote a while back about a surgical procedure that can increase the length of the protruded tongue. I've searched your back issues on the Web, but can't seem to find it now that I could use the info.

My girlfriend goes cum-crazy when I eat her out, which is just fine with me, since it's one of my favourite things to do. I'd love to be able to penetrate her deeper with my tongue as well. Is this surgical procedure safe? Have you heard from anyone who has done this? I'd seriously consider it if the risks aren't too excessive. » Quicker Licker

Dear QL,
I can't entirely disapprove of a surgery obtained to refine one's cunnilingus skills, but to clarify: the procedure I wrote about was not intended to lengthen the average tongue, but rather, to correct a condition called tongue-tied, where a rigidly attached frenum is released from its tethering. (The frenum being the little flap of skin under your tongue, and also on the underside of your penis, if you have one.) My professional source in the matter was Dr. Don Ducasse. He reiterates: "If you are medically tongue-tied, you shouldn't be able to touch the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth with your mouth open as wide as you can." If this is the case, then you qualify for surgery, which would give you up to a few inches to work with.

Outside of this condition, will a plastic surgeon do it? Dr. Robert Stubbs: "The tongue is a strange organ in that it's attached to a lot of things inside, and I don't know of any simple way of lengthening a normal tongue. To enhance its sexual capability, it almost has to be deformed. I don't think any plastic surgeon would do that, if it failed you might end up with a much shorter tongue." Of course, this possibility doesn't stop thousands of men from attempting to lengthen their penises, and Stubbs does say that demand might dictate this surgery being popularized.

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