by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Mayssam Samaha

Age: 32

Occupation: Volunteer with the Animal Rescue Network (ARN)

Bio: When not busy doing her deal as a freelance interior designer, this charitable downtown resident spends her days organizing the animal adoption clinics the Animal Rescue Network sponsors every week. Claiming to be "addicted to television" and feeling "absolutely no shame" about it whatsoever, Mayssam drives a notoriously ostentatious 2002 Nissan Sentra and is presently hard at work mobilizing the troops in anticipation of the annual Abandon Your Loving Pet Day aka Moving Day madness that goes down here every July 1. "We dread that day every year, especially now when we're suffering from such a major lack of foster homes to place them in."

The approximate number of free range felines currently living in the ARN shelter: "About 300, but we have many more in foster homes."

Her educated guess as to how many big green garbage bags of cat excrement are removed from the shelter every day: Five.

Something that makes her volunteer work just a little bit more difficult: Her cat allergies.

What your initial layout is going to be when you pick up a furry little bundle of love through the ARN: $95 including sterilization and vaccines.

Can the ARN offer this "amazing deal" because they do their own sterilizations through imaginative uses of fishing line and/or coat hangers? Apparently not.

Something the ARN offers its "clientele": A no-hassle money-back guarantee should things go awry between you and your puss within the first 21 days of your new lives together. "To be honest, we always take our cats back, even if they've been gone for years."

The way most people react upon learning that their application to adopt a cat from ARN has been rejected because they've been deemed too irresponsible to take care of an animal: "They have a fit. So we send them to the SPCA where at least they will be saving an animal from eventually being euthanized (because of the sheer volume of animals the SPCA receives every day). Anything is better than people going to buy an animal at a pet store."

A few cats that "nobody wants": Older and elderly cats - especially ones that need to take medicine every day. "It's very sad. In the shelter we sometimes have to keep these cats in cages all day because they can't go out [and frolic] with the general [animal] population. We all just hope that someday somebody will want to adopt one of these older animals."

Something you can do if you're not so sure you want to commit to an abandoned animal but want to help out nonetheless: Temporarily foster one or more of their cats by dialling 859-9010 and leaving a message. "We'll take care of any vet bills you may acquire."

Favourite local eatery: Star of India on Ste-Catherine W.

Last book read: Fast Food Nation, by Eric Schlosser.

Musical preferences: Dido, electronica, trance.

Words of wisdom: "If you're going to do something, do it right or don't do it at all."

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca