Dear Sasha: I'm an 18-year-old high school student who recently met up with a 15-year-old girl on a dating service. We were talking for a couple of months and we got along great, until she suggested I go and meet her. I was game, but I warned her that I might hit on her. She said she'd go along with it, but then said that she was 14.

While she's emotionally and physically mature for her age, I can't kick the feeling that the age difference is too great, especially for a physical relationship. I'm a strange person who listens to weird music, is physically unattractive and just doesn't click with that many people, so finding people that I can connect with is difficult. » Robbing the Cradle

Dear Robbing,
As far as the legal age of consent goes, you are currently within the law - that is until you find out this 14-year-old is actually 13. She nudged her age up by a year, and I would make some effort to find out if it's not more like a few. I'm telling you this not because I think it's indisputably unacceptable for a circumspect and socially awkward 18-year-old to date a mature 13-year-old, but because people lose their fucking minds over minors being sexually exploited - or being sexual period.

You may get caught up in the quagmire of online sexual predator hysteria, which I can't say won't be compounded by your looks and taste in music. A collection of Marilyn Manson records never improved the case of a gangly boy in a juvenile sex pickle, so do make sure you're informed of her true age, and although your delirious hormones may tell you otherwise, take it slow. Girls at that age often brilliantly disguise inexperience with sophistication (see the film American Beauty for a perfect example).

Now, obviously in many cases vigilance is relevant, but seriously, I hate researching age of consent issues. Sites are either hosted by wrought-up social workers who can't see beyond the existent but nevertheless biased horrors of teen prostitution, remote yet ever-present paedophiles who rationalize their predilection confidently and share tips on youngest age of consent countries, or they're labyrinth-like government files with confounding laws. Where is the sanity? Here: www.scarleteen.com. For ongoing insights into teen sexuality visit Heather Corinna's bitchin' site. It offers excellent advice to both girl and boy teens, thoughtful resources that don't patronize, and peer message boards.

Dear Sasha: As a newly arrived person from the east coast, I have a question that might sound stupid but I still have to ask, as I'm in-between girlfriends at the moment. I've been thinking for a long time now that I'd like to have sex with another male for the first time. What do you think about bathhouses and meeting someone there? I feel that there would be a lot less pressure in a bathhouse than in a bar. What would be your thoughts? » Rob

Dear Rob,
I don't think I'm exaggerating or mythologizing male bathhouse culture by saying that yes, it would probably be fairly effortless to have a first time experience there without a lot of pressure. My neighbour from across the hall, Justus, is a bathhouse gourmand, so I asked his advice.

Every bathhouse has a different vibe, he says, with some attracting a more hardcore clientele than others. A good way of finding this out is by picking up a local queer publication and looking at the ads. They will often contain a Web site and phone number.

In terms of etiquette, have a look at the site www.spaexcess.com, which includes rules and tips that undoubtedly apply to most baths, and which, compared to some of the laboured gags I've seen on swinger sites, are refreshingly clever. I love the gays!

Though some bathhouses are licensed, Justus advises that you don't get plastered or go on substances, and that you not accept substances because you don't know what they might include. You may not be inclined to take care of your health if you're passed out on a bed with your ass in the air.

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