M A great American died last week. No, I'm not talking about that cruel vulgarian Ronald Reagan, I'm talking about Ray Charles. In fact, if those Yanks had any idea who their real heroes are, they'd dig up Reagan's corpse, chuck it in the Potomac River and hold a state funeral for Brother Ray instead. [BLEEP!]

M I'm calling for the person who was talking about crap radio in Montreal. I can't help but agree, but my real problem is: when is Canada going to get SATELLITE RADIO? I keep reading about how the CBC is teaming up with this American company. Well, we all love the CBC but do we really need them in on this? I can imagine 200 radio channels and half of them featuring CBC type boredom. They don't even have enough stuff to make one 24-hour programming day interesting. So would having more CBCs really be a good thing? [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, I'm calling to agree with that guy who said that the music scene in Quebec is not full of a bunch of crabs. If you guys wanna hear some real good music, come check out Catalyst, Guilty Spark and Foundation Seed, June 25 at Club One. Ciao. [BLEEP!]

F Jake Brown versus Catherine Kidd? He's not fit to lick her BOOT HEELS - although I bet he'd like to. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, Rant Line™. Now, look, if I have my way, Jake Brown is about to become the target of a systematic process of intimidation and manipulation the likes of which he has never seen. [BLEEP!]

M The Montreal music scene has been great since Jake Brown left town. Now we can see new bands without listening to a bunch of crap spoken word first. [BLEEP!]

M Claimin' to be Jake Brown!? I am [somebody claiming to be] Jake Brown!! I know who I am! Do you know who you are? Now some folks say I talk too much and need a good whuppin' but I mean to back up what I say. And Catherine Kidd is a strong spoken word artist. She hits hard. But I haven't seen Catherine in a good scuffle yet. I haven't seen her go 15 rounds. I believe she will tire and I predict I will knock her out in the 10th round. But I might cut that to three, to take back what is mine: the belt that Virginia Woolf wore, the belt that William Faulkner wore, the belt that Allen Ginsberg wore - because I am the greatest. It might flip your lid, but I will whup Catherine Kidd. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is to that guy from the Circle Jerk Group. There's NOTHING going on at the mountain and if it's the same guy doing the thing at Parc Lafontaine, it's gonna suck too. My wife and I went up there and all there was were a couple of voyeurs hiding behind trees. If you want some real action, check out the swingers' clubs. [BLEEP!]

F Rant Line, I have a question. If SUVs and the people who drive them are the main reason for global warming and terrorism and sky high oil prices, then why isn't anybody doing anything PROACTIVE about the situation? Know what I do? I scratch every SUV I pass on the street with my house keys. Maybe if more people were like me these selfish, ignorant fuckers with their stupid status seeking SUVs would catch on that they are DESTROYING the Earth and that some of us aren't just going to stand around and let it happen without a fight. SUVs kill. We have to fight back! [BLEEP!]

M This is in response to the rant regarding the $4 entrance fee at the Notre Dame Cathedral. Well, if you're praying, God doesn't charge you. But if you walk in there like a tourist, looking around at statues, then it's a museum. So be reasonable. Even a museum has its upkeep expenses. Thank-you. [BLEEP!]

F GOAT. A dream concerning goats is a warning against involving yourself in any venture or activity which is not strictly on the up and up. The warning is especially strong if the dream featured milking a goat. HEAD. A disembodied head predicts a new situation in which you'll have to lose your head rather than use it. With the head of an animal, it is a warning against over-emphasis on material or sensual pleasures. Remember that an ounce of restraint can frequently prevent a pound of regret. SOUP. Hot soup in a dream indicates a struggle from which you will emerge better than you'd hoped. Cold soup puts an end to an unsatisfactory love affair or unsympathetic companion. Don't flog a dead horse and don't feel for yourself if it fails to respond. Try for a new relationship or, if that's not practical, a new hobby. To dream of being annoyed by a noisy soup slurper indicates an exciting invitation. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, to the guy who stole the SOAP CONTAINER in the bathroom at Miami. I know who you are. I know you. I've seen you around and I'm gonna continue to see you around and when I do, I'm gonna punch your face in. [BLEEP!]

Next issue: Open forum