by JOHNSON CUMMINS

Love 'em or hate 'em, the Darkness are probably going to be around for a long time. Shouldering up the charts against prefab bands, lip-syncing Barbie dolls and choreographed punk rockers, the balls-to-the-wall rock of the Darkness couldn't have come at a better time. The Mirror phoned up the Darkness's Hawkins brothers, Justin (vocals and unitards) and Dan (guitar), and gave them a barrel full of fish to shoot. Please note that the word ‘‘brilliant,'' when used to describe themselves, has been edited out for space.

Mirror: Did you ever think that the Darkness would blow up as big as it has?

Justin Hawkins: I knew it was going to happen, but I didn't think we would get this big so quickly.

M: The British music mags didn't take you guys at all seriously, at first.

Dan Hawkins: NME said that we should be hung for crimes against music. Essentially, a lot of reviews were that "shit sandwich" kind of scenario.

M: It must be satisfying now that you have boycotted NME, and that they have put you on their cover four times without having an interview.

JH: We will never talk to NME again and it's really, really upset them now. They need us to sell their magazines and we've proven we don't need them to sell records. When we started becoming successful, we played at Glastonbury, and the editor of NME came up to me and said, "You're going to hate me when I tell you who I am," and he told me, and I told him that he could fuck right off. Then he got down on one knee and said, "I'm sorry we backed the wrong horse," and I said, "You better get up or I'm going to kick you in the face, you ignorant little shit." Part of the reason that the U.K. is the laughing stock of the music industry is because of papers like that. So hopefully we can get back to a little bit of credibility for the U.K. by being incredible.

Mom's records rock!

M: Until you guys came along, it seemed that rock in the U.K. was made up mostly of dinosaur bands.

JH: We didn't invent anything, we're just doing music the way we thought it should be done and it seems that nobody else had the balls to do it. Rock has always been in the U.K. and people have always had access to bands like Queen, AC/DC and Aerosmith through their parents' record collection. The press won't tell you this, but anything in a parents' record collection will piss all over what is happening now - including our record. We have never claimed to be as good as any of these bands of the past, but everybody compares us to them because nobody even tries to get near it. If you compare a new band like the Vines to any of Thin Lizzy's output, you have to wonder why the Vines even bothered. I've heard their singles and if that is the best they can do, they might as well give up.

M: It seems that your timing was perfect, with the charts littered with prefabricated boy bands and mega-marketed singers.

JH: I suppose I shouldn't complain too much, because if the quality of music wasn't so dire, we would actually have some competition. Everything happens for a reason and we have been chosen to come along and kick the world's ass and show them there is a better way.

DH: I think the current state of the music industry and the quality of music they churn out is really bad, and I think it will continue to be bad for a long time. It's the nature of the beast. Bands have one album to get it right or they're dropped, and the people who are running things are looking for the next Britney Spears or Limp Bizkit and won't take risks anymore. So now we get everybody using the same producers and everything is getting computerized to sound perfect and that's bullshit. Real music is about imperfections and sounding different from what is going on. Just look around in pop music now - where are the Princes and the Kate Bushes? They wouldn't stand a chance right now.

With the Wildhearts at CEPSUM on Tuesday, June 22, 8pm, $34.50, all ages

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