Dear Sasha: My girlfriend and I have been together for quite some time, and have recently been looking for ways to explore our fantasies. We're both very attracted to the idea of her using a strap-on with me (I'm a man), and we're looking for something that will allow her to feel both in control and comfortable and even give her some pleasure, but won't cause too much pain. We don't really know where to start. How do they work, how much do they cost, where do we buy them, what do we need? » Just Looking

Dear Just,
Always best to buy from someone who is devoted to their own products, is my rule of bum. Being a strap-on enthusiast herself, Carrie Grey, the president of Aslan Leather, makes scrupulously detailed harnesses.

I went to Grey's studio to have a look at her work in person. You can see her full product line with descriptions to match on the Web site, www.aslanleather.com, but judging by your interests and concerns, I'm going to earmark two possible units: the Princess vinyl G-string harness, and/or the Raven Chastity Belt. The Princess is just an incredibly sexy and fun design as well as being efficient (your girlfriend can also wear a butt plug or dildo internally while she's screwing you), while the Raven, also visually pleasing, is quite simply the Swiss Army knife of harnesses. Since you're interested in exploring, I'm sure you'll like some of the distinctive bondage features on this one, such as the locking buckles.

Grey's products range from around $45–$115, and those who have been using them for years can attest to their durability. My girlfriend has one of her first models from the early '90s and it's still in excellent shape.

A few things that people do complain about with harnesses are the bruises and chafe marks they get from them, especially if they've been going at it rough. Grey has recently constructed something called the Driver Pad that fits between the harness and the wearer's pubic area. She also designs harnesses with the male anatomy in mind, "for men who want to extend the pleasure of penetration beyond their physical limits, for men who are looking for a safe sex alternative, and for men who are looking for a new way to experience penetration." Does that rock your cock or what?

What goes in you is equally important to what holds it in place. I would suggest investing in a few silicone dildos in varying sizes, perhaps one that also contains a small vibrating component for both your pleasure, as well as The Ultimate Guide to Strap-On Sex by Karlyn Lotney. All of these products are available at Venez tels quels (5427 St-Laurent, www.veneztelsquels.com), and Grey's harnesses can also be purchased through her site.

Dear Sasha: I'd like to know if you have any information on setting up a business where erotic photos are sold. » Snap Happy

Dear Snap,
The bad news is, even very gifted photographers have a hard time selling their erotic work. Toronto photographer and artist Carol Camper recently had a show of what, to me, was her best work to date, and didn't sell one piece. You can check it out on www.carolcamper.com. "How to sell is something I'm still working on," she says, though she does lean towards putting her efforts into showing her work as fine art, rather than investing in more commercial avenues like greeting cards, calendars, craft fairs and stock photography agencies.

She recommends two books immediately: The Practical Handbook for the Emerging Artist by Margaret R. Lazzari, and Taking the Leap: Building a Career as a Visual Artist by Cay Lang. "Anyone who wants to sell anything should own them," she says. Both are available at Amazon.com. Getting feedback about your work, if you haven't already, is also essential. "You can sign up, for a fee, for a portfolio review through Contact," says Camper. Unfortunately, the Contact Photography Festival, which takes place in Toronto but features international photographers, is recently over, but you can find info on portfolio reviews at www.contactphoto.com, and perhaps consider it next year.

Got any questions for Sasha? Write her at
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