M Yeah, I got a rant. There's no more Western Swing at Barfly on Tuesdays! Everybody in that band is a superstar and they're just cutting out like that. Peter Hay is a fucking god! Jordan Officer and Susie Arioli play in it and Stephen Barry. And Colin Perry. No more Western Swing, that sucks! What are they? Too big for their britches now? [BLEEP!]

M To the person who was talking about Blue Skies Turn Black. Yeah, they're definitely pretentious and they're definitely elitist but you dissed the Frenetics and the Frenetics are one of the hardest working bands in Montreal. And I wouldn't classify them as emo, they sound more like the Jam and the Clash and Stiff Little Fingers, if you ask me. So they're a punk band not an emo band and they're very hard working and I wouldn't lump them in with being FASCIST either, because Malcolm is one of the nicest people in the world. [BLEEP!]

M The problem with the music scene in this city is that everybody suffers from what I like to call CRAB SYNDROME. They're all like crabs in a bucket. They're all at the bottom trying to hold each other down because they all want to be the one to get to the top. Why doesn't everybody just work together? It works a lot easier that way. Promote each other, promote the music, promote the city - instead of being a bunch of dumb fuck crabs in a bucket. Peace. [BLEEP!]

F Regarding MERKINS, I believe the first use of pubic wigs was in ancient Egypt as the only cure that they had at the time for crabs/pubic lice was to shave the pubic hair. And, as they only wore very thin cloths then, you could see if somebody had their pubic hair shaved off or not and this would, obviously, be shameful. So they started making these wigs so that people wouldn't know that they had crabs. Okay, bye. [BLEEP!]

M This is Eugene and I'm ranting because I'm quite concerned. I have been walking up St-Laurent and seeing a MIDGET outside of a club, seemingly being exploited. Just sitting there in some funky costume, as if he were a sideshow or something. Just looking really pathetic - not the midget himself, just the way he was being displayed. And I thought this was a terrible example of exploitation and, like, I don't think we're in the 19th century anymore, man. We don't do this kind of shit. [BLEEP!]

F Hey, if you ever find yourself lying awake at four o'clock in the morning with a sudden craving for GOAT HEAD SOUP and loud reggae music, check out the Hot Spot in St-Henri. I'm not kidding. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M This rant goes out to the woman who's really, really scared to take TAXIS, what with all of the Algerian and Moroccan cab drivers and other potential terrorists driving on the streets of Montreal. I just wanted to give her some advice. My advice to you is do not, under any circumstances, leave your house. You should probably not talk to other people either. In fact, I think you should just stay at home and watch CNN until they tell you when it is safe again for white middle-class people to take transit. Good luck. [BLEEP!]

F To the person who doesn't take taxis anymore. I wouldn't worry, once the terrorist cabbies realize how ignorant you are, they'll come to the conclusion that the dead space between your ears best be left upon your shoulders. Peace out, bye bye. [BLEEP!]

M Lately, I've been diagnosed with TINNITUS. Something that affects musicians, people working in bars, or people who just listen to a lot of loud music or noise. Since I don't want it to get worse, I can't go out to bars anymore. I was wondering if anybody knew about earplugs or devices that would cut down the volume of the music in the background of the bar and not the voices of the girls I'm trying to pick up. And I'm not talking about cheap earplugs they sell in drugstores. Please help me. I've got no friends, no girl, no money - getting drunk and going to nightclubs every weekend was the only thing I had left. Now I just feel like killing myself. [BLEEP!]

M This is the Gazebo Circle Jerk organizer again and I'm phoning to say that the sessions have been moved to the Old Port behind the labyrinth - there's a little park there. We're gonna do it there due to the UNCOMFORTABLE CIRCUMSTANCES on the mountain. The mountain's a little too dark and it freaks people out, it's not too safe for some people. So we're gonna do it in the Old Port, behind the labyrinth, in the little park. The password is still "Hello, hello, hello" and it's Friday night at 11 o'clock. See you there. Keep it up and keep it hard. [BLEEP!]

M [considerably upset] I'd just like to comment on this whole masturbation circle jerk thing. You're all sick, sick fucks! Sick fucks. Sick, dirty, dirty people! I can't believe I live in a society like this. You all need help! [BLEEP!]

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