by MARK SLUTSKY

The first Shrek movie was a major hit when it opened way back in those innocent days of summer 2001. It did a good job of pandering to both kids and their parents, and it had a strong, flexible comic premise - a deflation of the fairy tales upon which Disney (the major competitor to Shrek's studio, Dreamworks) had built its mighty empire. So it was no surprise that a sequel would be in the works (apparently they're at work on parts three and four as you read this).

What is a bit of a surprise, though, is how much Shrek 2 sucks. I'm not saying the first movie was any great work of art or superlative comic triumph, but it's a genuine hall-of-famer comedy classic next to this lifeless dud. The sequel picks up shortly after the events of the first movie, with our ogre hero Shrek (voiced by Mike Myers) newly wed to Princess Fiona (Cameron Diaz), who has herself been transformed into an ogre. Living in the swamp, the two are sent for by Fiona's parents (Julie Andrews and John Cleese), who intend to meet their daughter's new hubby. Our Shrek is understandably insecure about meeting the in-laws, and, complicating matters, a nefarious fairy godmother (Jennifer Saunders) is looking to win Fiona for her hapless Prince Charming son. Shrek's sidekick Donkey (Eddie Murphy) also tags along to provide comic relief.

What this actually amounts to is a whole lot of talk and very little action. While the first movie was full of jokey guest appearances by various fairy tale types and dragons being slain and whatnot, Shrek 2 spends a stupid amount of time on lifeless, plot-advancing conversations between the characters. Sure, the animation looks cool, but they don't really do anything with it. The movie feels like it's a product of endless meetings between studio executives so concerned about preserving their franchise that they forgot to let anything actually happen in the movie. You want to see the characters dashing around various mythical landscapes and encountering amusingly-rendered beasties, but all they do is sit around and bicker. Shrek 2 feels like it should have just been a one-act play.

Shrek 2 is now playing

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