by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Chloe Vice

Age: 25

Occupation: Fundraiser for the Concordia Alumni Association

Salary: $9.50 an hour

Bio: Over the past year this delightful Plateau broad with a voice that could give a dog a bone has been putting her distinctively delicious vocal talents to good use soliciting funds over the phone for the Concordia Alumni Association. Chloe, a political science student with a name as nifty as one could ever hope to be born with, says she "doesn't really like pushing people for money - which is kind of the job," but generally manages to generate impressive fundraising numbers nonetheless.

Is it safe to assume they don't even bother phoning fine arts grads to seek funds, calling their social assistance case workers instead to see if the Alumni Association could perhaps skim a few bucks off their monthly welfare cheques? "No, we call everyone, and actually, fine arts grads can be pretty generous. One of the curators for the National Gallery in Ottawa once donated $500."

Is $500 considered a large donation? Absolutely. "Most are between $25 to $75."

How many times does she hear the words "fuck off" or their equivalent every week? Not as often as one might expect. "Because we're students ourselves and say so on the phone, reactions to us are generally less severe. Most people are pretty decent, actually."

Does she get better results with male alumni if she acts a little flirty on the phone? "Oh yeah, for sure, definitely. And there isn't one woman who works here who hasn't had men come on to her over the phone, asking for her phone number, what she looks like, that kind of thing."

Does flirting produce results with female alumni as well? "I'm not sure, actually. Sometimes women flirt with me though."

Something that may well happen to you next time Chloe calls and you start up with the ol' sex talk: Find yourself on speaker phone so everyone at her call centre can get a good laugh at your pathetic attempt to moisten her panties through the awesomely seductive power of your words.

How long they wait after graduation before bugging people for donations: Not one second. "We start calling the graduating class before they've even finished school."

Does she find her pitches flow more fluidly if she goes into work with a 40-ouncer of Lucky Lager by her side? No. "That would make me too sloppy. I usually go in sober."

Where you might find her boozin': At all the finest Main dives, the Copa, Bifteck, Miami.

Last book read: Sources of the Self: The Making of the Modern Identity, by Charles Taylor.

A recent film she totally dug: Automatic Vaudeville's The Recommendations.

A TV show she totally digs: La Vie, La Vie. " It's so cheesy, it's wonderful."

Words of wisdom: "Know thyself."

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca