Quote of the week:

"Wow. A politician who doesn't break his promises." - Bono, in a statement issued after Paul Martin pledged $100-million to the World Health Organization's program to fight HIV, quoted in Tuesday's Globe and Mail.

Growers wary of new deal

Lefty do-gooders have long argued that the massive subsidies in the EU and U.S. keep the developing world in poverty, as those poorer nations can't compete against artificially low-cost imports. Now, a bold, new EU initiative to cut world farm subsidies has Quebec farmers worried about their own bottom line.

"Sure, we're worried," says Serge Lebeau, economist for l'Union des producteurs agricoles (UPA), the Quebec farmers' lobby. Lebeau admits that cuts in international tariffs could help beleaguered countries like those of West Africa, who can't sell their cotton internationally because, he says, "The U.S. government gives its 25,000 cotton operations an average of $2-million each a year, so Africans can't compete in the cotton markets."

Canada's dilemma is that it can't please its two separate regions. "We've got the western provinces, which are more similar to massive exporters like Brazil and Argentina, whereas the east is more like domestic-oriented farm countries like Japan, Switzerland and Norway," he says.

The EU's proposal would slash our high tariffs on goods such as butter, eggs and poultry by 15 per cent, which Lebeau feels could open Quebec to cheap imports and cause Quebec's 30,000 farmers and 100,000 spinoff workers to stream into the cities. "The farmers here could just say it's too cold, we'll just give up. But farming is valuable because it populates the regions, it provides a dynamism to the countryside," says Lebeau. "Besides, being 100 per cent dependent on foreigners to feed us could be a big risk." » Kristian Gravenor

Mid-East press talk

Passions run high in Israel and the Occupied Territories, and the popular impression is that there is little to be done to bring the two sides to a sane talking point. But as a talk and screening with two Mid-East reporters - one Palestinian, one Israeli - on Thursday, May 13, will reveal, the individual reporters covering the same atrocities in the Gaza Strip and the West Bank are often able to put their flags behind them and support one another, regardless of nationality.

Emily Jacquard, the local representative of Reporters sans frontières, a support group for embattled journalists across the world, is bringing the two to Montreal to discuss the conditions under which they work, and how cross-border bridges can be built. "It's very important for people to see how these people regard their work," she says. "Nael Shyoukhi [the Palestinian], says that when people ask where he's from, he says, ‘Reuters.'"

She admits to being surprised at how reporters from either side of the security fence (or Apartheid Wall) look out for each other. "With all this constant talk of war and hate, we can also talk about the hope of solidarity," she says.

RSF will host Shyoukhi and Israeli photographer Miki Kratsman at the Henri-Julien amphitheatre (4750 Henri-Julien) on Thursday, May 13, at 7 p.m. There will also be a screening of Mirror of Wars, a documentary about three Israeli and three Palestinian journalists covering the conflict. The event is free, but donations are welcome, for more info call 521-4111. » Patrick Lejtenyi

Stroking for Stella

As most good churchgoing Mirror readers are no doubt already aware, May has officially been deemed Masturbation Month by those relentless wankers over at noted Montreal sex emporium Venez Tels Quels. And while some might suggest that every day of every week of every month since they've been 12 years old has effectively served as masturbation month to them, there's now a far more noble excuse for slappin' yer whatsitz than the simple release of omnipresent sexual tension or the pursuit of pleasure: charity.

That's right, all you need to do is download a pledge form online at www.comeasyouare.com, get your friends and family to sponsor you, and on Sunday, May 16, do your very best to spend as much quality time as is humanely possible with your genitals.

According to Venez Tels Quels spokesperson Morgen Pilon, monies raised from this year's Masturbate-A-Thon will be going to sex-worker-rights organizations Stella (in Montreal) and Maggie's (in Toronto), and that all competitors will be judged using the honour system.

"The results are not measured by orgasm, but by the amount of time spent with yourself," says Pilon. "It's pretty fun to masturbate, so chances are people aren't going to be lying about how long they've been doing it and slacking off on their duties." Prizes will be awarded to the top five tuggers, with Masturbation Month's festivities rapping up with the Jerk Off! Cabaret at Le Swimming (3643 St-Laurent), on Saturday, May 29, featuring the talented and always charming B.C rappin' cougars, Stink Mitt. » Chris Barry

REAR-VIEW MIRROR

14 YEARS AGO THIS WEEK
May 10-May 17, 1990

On the cover: Tears for Fears' new American vocalist Oleta Adams, who was called by the British duo to help rescue their third album, The Seeds of Love. "It was two years after they heard me sing [in Kansas City while on tour]. For anyone to call me two years after they first heard me, with no other communication, and say they remember that night - that's trust."

• Rod Macdonnell, a Gazette journalist, says the guilty verdict in the Satanic murder trial of Raymond Steele was rife with problems and that there should have been a mistrial. "I left that trial feeling it wasn't a fair shake," he says.

• "Georgina does a lot, but says nothing, which is always a good part in film terms," says Helen Mirren of her role in The Cook, The Thief, His Wife & Her Lover.

• Matt Groening reveals how to draw Akbar and Jeff in a nine-panel Life In Hell strip. Panel 8 deals with the fez. "Place it at a jaunty angle and don't forget the provocative tassle. For the last time, do it again."

Angel >> Monsanto retreat The biotech multinational Monsanto announced last weekend that it won't pursue U.S. approval for its Roundup Ready wheat mainly because business conditions weren't favourable. Green activists are saying that the move was simply a way for Monsanto to admit defeat without admitting that popular opinion is overwhelmingly wary of genetically modified agricultural products; in Quebec, 90 per cent of consumers say they want mandatory labelling of all GM products. Farmers, meanwhile, are relieved because the introduction of GM wheat would have been a death-knell for their export markets - both the EU and Japan have said they would not import GM Canadian wheat.
Insect >> Vanishing federal fringe parties The Natural Law Party - they of yogic flying and international peace vibes - won't be running this year because of purported voter disinterest. The Absolutely Absurd Party will also be absent, having stated that the Canadian political scene is absurd enough without them. The Rhinoceros Party called it quits a couple of elections ago, saying that Election Canada's $1,000-per-candidate fee was unfair. There remains the Green (which has more support in B.C. than the NDP does in Quebec), Marijuana, Canadian Action and two small communist parties, but those absences make the field - much like Canadian politics in general - much more dull.