by MATTHEW HAYS

There's something entirely suspect about movies that look strikingly like advertisements. The cinematography is nice, sure. It all looks crisp and clean, and there's tons of visual gimmickery that's supposed to keep us enthralled.

But usually, all that snap, crackle and pop feels like an effort to keep our minds off the anaemic screenplay. Such is the case with Yann Samuell's feature directorial debut, Jeux d'enfants (the English title being Child's Play, though sadly there are no possessed dolls in this movie). Samuell has two young outcast children engage in a straightforward game of dare. The little boy dares the girl to do something nasty, and, upon completing the task, she gets to hold onto a cherished toy. She then dares him, and when he commits the act, he gets the toy. In a scenario that strains credulity (even by outlandish movie universe standards) this game continues as our two overly cutesy children grow up into photogenic actors Guillaume Canet and Marion Cotillard.

Theirs is a budding romance, made all the more twisted by their ongoing game, with dares ranging from slapping strangers in the face to urinating on the floor to fake proposals. The dares become laced with emotional ante, with Canet and Cotillard tormenting each other as best they can. The two end up marrying other mates, though why is never fully explained seeing as they're clearly obsessed with one another. Playing intermittently in the background are various versions of "La vie en rose," including those by Louis Armstrong and Grace Jones.

Here is a film that tries far too hard to be quirky and charming. And, as seasoned filmgoers know, there's a very fine line between charming and grating. Boy, does this thing start to grate. Since Jeux d'enfants employs such superficial tactics from the get-go, it's hard to care about either of the characters once things start rolling (never mind their strained bond). That stated, it must be added that despite my opinion, this film has proven a hit with audiences in its native France.

Need I say more?

Jeux d'enfants opens Friday, May 14

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