Dear Sasha: I'm 18 years old and have prominent sebaceous glands underneath my penis and on my testicles. Also, I have "pearly penile papules" on my glans. I feel like a freak and can't get any information on them, while every doctor I've seen says "just normal," "deal with it" and "it's incurable."
Problem is, I have tried to have sex with two girls, both of whom, upon seeing this, freaked out and refused to even touch me. Now it's around school that I have some weird disease on my dick, and every girl laughs behind my back. I feel so helpless and down. How is it "normal" if I haven't heard about anyone with this thing? I feel like my sex life is over before it began, and what's the point of living without sex? » LP
Dear LP,
There are a few things of which I am absolutely certain. One is that I will never try to bleach my pubic hair again, and the other is that I never, ever want to repeat adolescence. Jesus. What in the fuck is wrong with kids anyway? I mean, part of me is elated that a young woman can go around broadcasting a sexual experience and not be labelled a slut (although I'm sure that trend isn't anywhere near over), but do we need one more man walking around cultivating a deep hatred for humanity via his penis? Girls, listen up! Progress involves rising above this behaviour, not indulging in the type of cruel criticism that has plagued our sex's collective self-esteem for centuries.
To answer your questions, if you look at some statistics, apparently up to 40 per cent of men have prominent sebaceous glands and/or pearly penile papules (and by the way, pearly penile papules can be removed through laser surgery). Why don't you know about these stats? The same reason most people don't know that the average-sized cock is about five inches long. Because the penis is supposed to be a colossal yet silken battering ram, designed to induce quivering submission in its conquests, not a bumpy little gadget the size of a tube of Crazy Glue. Shock and awe, LP, shock and awe!
If it's any consolation, some people stop acting like insensitive idiots when they grow up. Also, on the bright side, people who have physical obstacles to overcome (even those that aren't that devastating in the grand scheme of physical obstacles) often grow to be way more insightful and sensitive themselves if they don't let the bastards get them down.
Dear Sasha: I have been experiencing something lately that has been the source of some embarrassment for me. I recently started seeing this woman and every time we go to have sex, just when I get the condom on, I go limp. I know it isn't her because she really turns me on. I have tried to masturbate while wearing a condom and don't run into any problems there. I do want to be with her and she insists on using condoms. It's a fact of our relationship that can't be compromised. » Safer Sex
Dear Safer,
I believe this is a fairly common concern, which may have to do with the fact that a lot of men feel really vulnerable, therefore unsexy, touching their penises in front of women. A few things you may want to try are:
• Jerking off together. People really should get used to touching themselves in front of their lovers.
• Asking your girlfriend to try putting the condom on you by way of her mouth. Lou Paget's book How to Be a Great Lover, (widely available in big bookstores and online), includes a section where she teaches this technique.
• Quickly tying off your erection with a cock ring (never for more than 20 minutes) before you put a condom on.
• A female condom. They are a little difficult to insert, but your girlfriend can put it in well in advance and you don't have to fiddle around with you penis, giving it time to go soft.
Got any questions for Sasha? Write her at
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