Nightlife

Best Bartender
1. Sami, Blue Dog
2. Betty, Jet
3. Silva, Foufs
4. Gigi, Jet
5. Helen, Blue Dog
6. Jen, Cock 'n' Bull
7. Sammy, Grumpy's
8. Vinnie the Naked Bartender, Club Joy
9. Shelley, Bifteck
10. Bill, Foufs

Best Watering Hole
1. Bifteck
2. Peel Pub
3. Brutopia
4. Cock 'n' Bull
5. Blue Dog
6. Foufounes Électriques
7. Madhatter
8. Cheers
9. Pistol
10. Copacabana

Best Sleazy Dive
1. Miami
2. Bifteck
3. Peel Pub
4. Foufounes Électriques
5. Barfly
6. Madhatter
7. Cock 'n' Bull
8. Blue Dog
9. Sir Winston Churchill
10. Copacabana

Despite its lack of video poker machines, cheap porn on TV, screeching trannie hookers and old men passed out on the floor (most nights, anyway), the charmingly dishevelled Miami is still our top place to bottom out. It's interesting how, other than Miami, our list of favourite sleaze-pits and dens of iniquity seems remarkably similar to our list of favourite places to grab a quick one with pals. Guess this town likes its liquoring up low end.

Best Happy Hour
1. Peel Pub
2. Thursday's
3. Carlos & Pepes
4. Foufounes Électriques
5. Cheers
6. Sir Winston Churchill
7. Vol de Nuit
8. McKibbins
9. Brutopia
10. Newtown

Best Pick-Up Spot
1. Thursday's
2. Cheers
3. GoGo Lounge
4. Jet
5. Foufounes Électriques
6. Sir Winston Churchill
7. Blue Dog
8. Peel Pub
9. Parking
10. Café Campus

Best-Looking Clientele
1. Buona Notte
2. Globe
3. Jet
4. Time
5. GoGo Lounge
6. Pistol
7. Tokyo
8. Saphir
9. Orchid
10. Newtown/Foufounes Électriques (tie)

Best Terrasse
1. St-Sulpice
2. Pub Ste-Élisabeth
3. 737
4. Tokyo
5. Santropol
6. Miami
7. Vol De Nuit
8. Foufounes Électriques
9. Hotel De La Montagne
10. Saphir

Best Live Venue
1. Metropolis
2. Club Soda
3. Spectrum
4. Sala Rossa
5. Swimming
6. Cabaret
7. Medley
8. Foufounes Électriques
9. Café Campus
10. Casa Del Popolo

Looks like all that fancy renovation really paid off for Metropolis, up from third place a year ago. The place never looked or sounded better, and Montrealers have certainly recognized that.

Best Lounge
1. Luba
2. GoGo Lounge
3. Jello Bar
4. Boodha Bar
5. Sofa
6. Pub Quartier Latin
7. Blizzarts
8. Laïka
9. Wax Lounge
10. Typhoon

Best Jazz Bar
1. Upstairs
2. House of Jazz
3. Jello Bar
4. Swimming
5. L'Escogriffe
6. Casa Del Popolo
7. L'Air du Temps
8. Bistro Duluth
9. Bily Kun
10. Pub Quartier Latin

Best Dance Club
1. Jet
2. Dome
3. Tokyo
4. Parking
5. Extreme
6. Stereo
7. Saphir
8. La Boom
9. Orchid
10. Unity 2

Between this, the top spot for their Friday nights and the gold medal for DJ Quest, Jet really has the dance club angle locked down. Le Dôme ranks a strong second (up from fifth last year), doubtless due to a burst of really well-chosen bookings of late, particularly in hip hop. Tokyo and Stereo shot up the list this year, while le Parking and Unity II have slid some. Extreme, Orchid, la Boom (where Kelis recently played) and Saphir (home to the popular RockDeep and Panic nights) are all newcomers here, so cheers to them.

Best Club Night
1. Flight Fridays at Jet
2. Back 2 Basics, Saturdays at Blue Dog
3. Ripper, Wednesdays at Foufs
4. L'Eighties Night at Jupiter Room
5. Overdose, Thursdays at Parking
6. Kink!, Thursdays at Unity
7. Therapy Thursdays (on hiatus)
8. G-Spot Fridays at Orchid
9. Junglist Fridays at Blue Dog
10. Fridays With Mr. Black at Saphir

The top three slots here are directly related to the Best DJ category - the soirées helmed by Quest, D.R. One and Dirt take the honours. Jupiter Room's L'Eighties Night is stronger than ever, while your weekly electro checkup Overdose has slid. It's still got a notch over Kink!, the night that its original founder DJ Frigid now handles. What's kinda cool is how, other than the top two nights, Wednesdays seem to beat out Thursdays, which beat out Fridays. Jeez, this town starts partying early.

Best Afterhours
1. Stereo
2. Aria
3. Circus
4. Red Lite
5. Sona
6. Gravity
7. The Pound
8. 4104
9. Unity
10. L Corridor

Here's a category that's heating up, what with all the new developments this year. The city's first afterhours Sona gave up the ghost this year (the fifth-place nod here suggests some teary nostalgia out there), while both Circus and Gravity stepped into the ring. Stereo, with its killer sound and established rep, takes the top spot at last, while Aria's still ranking strong. Note the trend toward private spaces of dubious legality - Montreal's swinging back toward the all-night loft party vibe that kinda cacked out for a few years.

Best Rave/Party
1. Bal en Blanc
2. Black & Blue
3. Cream
4. 2K4
5. Celebration
6. Asphalt Jungle
7. Cloud By Kirk 6
8. I Love Neon (SAT)
9. Swirl
10. In Da Jungle

Bal en Blanc, Black & Blue and Cream hold the same spots as last year - Montrealers do appreciate a little continuity, at least with events on that scale.

Best Strip Club
1. Wanda's
2. Super Sexe
3. Chez Parée
4. Solid Gold
5. Kamasutra
6. Club Downtown
7. Cabaret Les Amazones
8. 281
9. Teazers
10. Le Stock

The armchair gentlemen's no-touch den rises from #3 to #1, while the similarly no-touch SuperSexe and Chez Parée, aka "Wayne Gretzky's Montreal Office," again round out the top trio. Solid Gold still ranks high in spite of having seen better days, while the posh Plateau Kamasutra ranks for once. Club 281 moved, Amazones only recently reopened and Teazers is gone. The list is rounded out by the gay boys of Le Stock.

Best Gay Bar
1. Unity 2
2. Parking
3. Sky
4. Drugstore
5. Le Stud
6. Club Date
7. Cabaret Mado
8. Exit
9. Agora
10. Taboo

Best Lesbian Bar
1. Magnolia
2. Sky
3. Drugstore
4. Sisters (defunct)
5. Meow Mix Events
6. Parking
7. Unity 2
8. Pharmacie Esperanza
9. There are none

Best Drag Queen
1. Mado
2. Plastik Patrik
3. Sheena Hershey
4. Kiki
5. Celine Dion
6. Gina From Café Cleopatra

Best Pool Hall
1. Sharx
2. Swimming
3. Skratch
4. Fats
5. Rack 'n' Roll
6. Sharky's
7. Bogey's
8. Legends
9. Trix
10. Unison

Best Comedy Bar
1. Comedy Nest
2. Comedy Zone
3. Comedyworks

Best Standup Comedian
1. Sugar Sammy
2. Joey Elias
3. Louis-José Houde
4. Mike Paterson
5. Massimo
6. Lydia Lockett
7. David Acer
8. Derick Lengwenus
9. Daniel Lemire
10. Lise Dion

Sugar Sammy, the debut winner in this new category, loves to riff on subjects like arranged marriage and other issues of his Indian ancestry; Joey has banked on radio show and corporate gigs and Houde, the fast-talking elfish host of Dollaraclip, rounds off the mirthful three. Mike Paterson humbly describes himself as "the most electrifying entertainer of his generation," while Massimo's Italian slob routine and Lydia Lockett of Coco Café fame also provide Mtl with giggles.

Sexiest French Pick-up Line

J'suis pure laine! • J'ai du pot chez moi • Liche ma plotte • Estie que tu m'exite! • Fine STI Fine • Excuse-moi, je suis un anglophone avec un penis francophone • J'veux juste t'embrasser pis apres j'men va! • Suce ma graine pour 50 cents • Est-ce t'aimerais fait cuire mon saucisse? • Comment aimes-tu tes oeufs le matin? Mirroirs, brouillés ou fertilisés? • Hey mec! • Dis "hat." J'adore comme tu dis "hat" • Je veux mettre ma grande queue dans ton petit cul • Te cute toi! • Voulez-vous un blumpkin? • Je veut licher ta chatte jusqu'au lever du soleil! • J'ai perdu mes culottes • Une pipe, pis une frite? • Tsibouclez-vous? • Tu est hot, en cris! • Voulez-vous coucher avec mon penis • Habitez-vous chez vos enfants? • Je joue dans un groupe rock • C'est quoi ton signe?.... hein, moi aussi! • Aye bébé viens icitte • Tu as des yeux lumineux • Si tu m'invitais à souper, que penses-tu que je répondrais? • Qu'est ce que c'est "she bangs"? • Toi, moi, sexe, sexe, sexe! • Cacaouette en caoutchou • Qui desire de connaitre mes menottes et ma fouette? • Rencontree moi dans l'escalier • Tu veux v'nir foure dans la becose? • T'es dont ben belle stie • Chez vous, chez nous ou chez Gilles? • S'il vous plait, man, aide moi avec mes pantalons • J'te veux, pitoune! • Ma pizza est Hut! • Est ce que je peut vous payer un verre • Dans le cue? • Hey bébé qu'est-ce qu'on mange pour déjeuner? • Oui oui oh oui • Oh la la