The problem is, her parents are quite religious and trust me entirely - which includes their belief that I would approach them should she ever "be in trouble." Inherently I know that I haven't done anything wrong (nor has she), and that it's okay for me to respect my cousin's right to privacy. Yet, I now find that I can't even look her parents in the eye anymore. Might I also mention I'm as queer as can be, that they don't know, and that part of me is actually secretly relieved to know that their so-called God-fearing family has proven to be nothing but a hypocrisy in the end. Tell me, Sasha, does keeping this a secret make me a bad cousin and relishing in the fact that their Bible-thumpin' family ain't so pure after all, a worse one? » Concerned Cuz
Dear CC,
It's so hard not to rub one's hands together à la Daffy Duck when one out-manoeuvres sanctimony, isn't it? Coming from a pious extended family myself, and one that I do love dearly, I admit to feeling satisfaction at news that one has "strayed" from the fold. Out of over 30 cousins on one side alone, there are few renegades, and any sort of self-reliance is seen as catastrophic, or worse, deluded. I marvel at the liberty certain members take in fretting over those whose minds are open to divergent possibilities. I mentioned in a previous column one cousin's kindly desire to invite "even prostitutes" to join her church group, having likely never wilfully associated with one in her life, other than that old cautionary piece of tail Mary Magdalene.
You already know that the trust between your cousin's parents and yourself is false. They trust you because they don't know you, and that, in my opinion, is the very foundation of their faith: compulsory and calculated ignorance. Yes, you are pandering to it, and believe me, I understand how frustrating it can be hearing all about family members' illuminating trips to some Christian retreat or another, and not feeling free to share the wisdom of my own choices. But how can you argue with someone, and in this case, a unit, when the fundamental tenets of their religion allow you, as an autonomous woman, and a queer one at that, no lawful voice? How do you challenge the exhausting and arrogant anaesthetic that is religious doctrine?
As far as I can tell, religion, like the birth control pill, was contrived by humans, and looking at it this way in relation to your question, it's simply a matter of which one makes more sense. Though I do worry about the repercussions the pill has on our already encumbered environment and health, I simply cannot find any substantial philosophical flaws in the notion of consensual love and pleasure. I have a major problem with any belief system that is incompatible with biological realities and basic human rights. Many people argue that Christianity has been distorted over its relatively brief existence and we simply don't have an accurate view of its original intentions. It's hard to disagree with this, given the overwhelming amount of people who have been unwillingly fucked and/or killed by some of its champions. But even if Christianity hadn't been besmirched by paedophiles, rapists, and murderers, you cannot help but notice that there exists a distinct lack of freedom and respect for women (outside of certain inherited roles), and homosexuals in what are considered accurate interpretations of the Bible.
All this considered, I have to agree with the fundamentalist perspective that the female and gay-friendly biblical readings seem woefully loose. Like, why bother at all? Since religion is a human creation, why not just throw the baby molesters out with the bath water and forge altogether new faiths that are more encompassing? In the meantime, you'll do what so many of us in comparable circumstances do: live, and let proselytize. And keep an open sofa for the defectors.
