Dear Sasha: Sometimes while my partner and I are getting riled up during a scene, she might slide an ice cube or two up my butt (smooth, rounded edges of course) and make me wait until they melt, watching me squirm. It's great and the sensation is incredible, if you can handle it (that's part of the fun). I wanted to know if this was safe. » Cold bitch

Dear Cold,
Aren't you girls clever. You have discovered an object that is actually safe to go in the ass without an anchor. You probably find your sphincter contracts and cramps from the cold a bit, but that's pretty much the extent of the harm with your type of play. I did find one article that warned of the dangers of ice cube enemas, apparently some numbskull raver idea, and possibly an urban myth, on how to revive someone who's become unconscious after taking too much GHB. GHB already lowers the blood pressure and subsequently, according to medical professionals, ice in the rectum can trigger the vagus nerve (vagus from the Latin meaning "wandering," as the nerve wanders from the brainstem to the splenic flexure of the colon), which further slows blood flow to the heart. To avoid frostbite, you should also never ice something directly for longer than 10 minutes.

Now, with safety in mind, why stop at ice cubes? I stuck a condom and a latex glove full of water in my freezer overnight to conduct some more thorough experiments, and the next day found myself holding a large frozen dick in a dishcloth, face to face with a compliant subject reclining on the Luv Linens. The cold cock was just a little too big and icy for assplay, but a good time was had by all when it was inserted vaginally for 20-30 seconds at a time. Make sure the (ha ha) chilldo is fully frozen, as it can get pretty jagged from the body heat if it's still liquid inside. As for the icy hand, it leaked, and is now gruesomely stuck to the bottom of my freezer. Next time I'll put it in there on a plate.

Dear Sasha: I'm a 27-year-old woman who is really worried about getting off "too much." I've enjoyed masturbation since I was a child, but in the last few years things have been getting out of hand. It started when I was in college studying journalism. With insane deadlines and my inability to cope, I resorted to masturbation to ease my stress but I soon found it to be almost a symptom of stress. I went from once a day to 10 times. Even though I'd feel completely drained afterwards (usually accompanied by a dull headache), I'd continue. It's now got to the point where I'm working in my dream field, still can't handle the pressure and am getting off 20-plus times when I'm trying to finish a day's assignment. This can't be normal, but when I try to find information on the Net, all that comes up is advice for men. My girlfriend says I should just wait for her to get home, but I don't think it's even a sexual thing any more. » Too Much (Self) Love Bites

Dear Too Much,
Occasionally I hear from people who have injured themselves masturbating (penile chaffing, reckless application of mentholated products or inappropriate insertion of unsuitable objects). The problem here as I see it, is that enjoyment and adventure have been lost in your equation. You are masturbating like a passionless drone, and that's not fair to masturbation. It cannot serve as your one and only anxiety remedy. I would consider adding a few other activities to my day. Maybe, dare I say it, one of these yoga classes that all the girls are raving about lately. Being a freelancer can sometimes be like attending school on your sofa. You tend to get a little slovenly without the pressure of public appearance. Take it from me, you must get out of your space a few times a day, and maybe make it a little more challenging to get your pants off, say, by not working in elasticized pyjama bottoms.

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