M This goes out to the person who was putting up the Black Lips posters for their show at Casa del Popolo. Groovy silkscreen poster, but keep covering up my UK Subs posters like you've been doing and you're going to be joining your buddies Kurt Cobain and John Lennon pretty soon. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is the Lazy Musician again, ranting back whenever local musicians are insulted. Recently the Rant Line™ was poisoned by another bitter, envious fool saying "Get a job, get signed." To him I say, you should be ashamed to spew your fears on all of us. To the musicians, fuck getting signed! Stay positive! Rebel in your freedom, brothers and sisters, and do it yourself! D.I.Y! [BLEEP!]

M Hey, man, I don't go to many rock shows, but I was at the Ted Leo and the Pharmacists concert. Ted Leo's fucking rip it, the band is awesome, but everyone in the crowd just stands their and bobs their head. They don't move! I expect people to BUG OUT a little bit but all I saw was a bunch of pretentious idiots thinking they're so cool because they know the song and they can sing the words. It's disappointing, man. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, this is a rant about the music scene in Montreal. I saw a great show a few months ago but I was too SMASHED to remember the band's name. It was the Snootchees or something like that. But I keep seeing the lead screamer at this bookstore in the ghetto called The Word. If it helps, a lot of people know him as Monkey Man. Can anyone tell me the name of this band? [BLEEP!]

M The Thrills, the Stills, the Vines and the Strokes are four bands that don't sound anything alike. The only thing they have in common, in terms of a fad, is the THE in front of their names, which isn't anything new, seeing as there have been bands with the the in front of their names since, like, the '60s. Remember the Turtles, the Beatles, the Who, the Rolling Stones, the Pogues, the Grateful Dead, the The? [BLEEP!]

F Can someone please tell me how the Stevo-O show went? It's so gonna be one of those things where he's gonna be banned from Canada, and I'm missing it. Did he do anything crazy? Did he show his cock? [BLEEP!]

F This goes out to every white girl who dyes their hair BLACK. Why? Why do you dye your hair black? Are you hardcore? Let me guess, you listen to rock. Wow, how original. Why not shave your head? Because, really, you don't stand out. You look like every other white girl who dyes their hair black and walks around looking so unhappy because you're so hardcore. Be different and SMILE a little. [BLEEP!]

F I would like to thank the Nazis really warmly because, thanks to you guys, our scene has never been stronger. The punks and skins are all united against you guys. The shows are all filled up every weekend because everybody is expecting you to come and fuck with us and we're just waiting for you. People go to shows just to kick some ass. You put HATE in us and now we're stronger than ever. We used to be bored but, thanks to you guys, we have a reason to fight. We're animated with hatred! [BLEEP!]

F This is for all those people who called to complain about that Heinrich Himmler guy's comments. He was being IRONIC. Seriously, stop being such a bunch of uppity, self-righteous dumbasses. [BLEEP!]

F For all of you people who hate hate so much, you sure do hate that fake German guy who hates stuff. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M I'd like to add my comments to what I'm sure is an avalanche of anti-Dutch rants that you've probably already received in response to last week's rant about how Canadians don't care that the Queen Mother of the Netherlands just died. You know, it's bad enough that we have to put up with those MORONIC LIMEYS on our stamps and money. Why should we care that some other EURO-LOSER is pushing up the tulips? [BLEEP!]

M To the girl who says Izabelle Desjardins is so fucking hot. I, too, thought she was hot, but only for the first five minutes. She opens her mouth and that's it, it's all downhill from there. Because then you think - wow, she's got a lot of IMPERFECTIONS. [BLEEP!]

F I have a really huge rant that I think every girl in this city is going to agree with. I'm getting really fed up with guys accusing us girls of being crazy when it's really these drunk, unemployed, cheating, lying sons of bitches that make us psychotic. By the way, Mully, good job on getting caught having Webcam sex with your ex-girlfriend crack whore from Quebec City. Real nice. My other rant is that I never get my rants printed so I would like this one to be. Thanks. [BLEEP!]

Next issue: Open forum