by MATTHEW HAYS

Such is the current state of war in Iraq that I couldn't help but think I was going a bit nuts during the screening of The Alamo, Hollywood's latest kick at the legendary can. To me, Hollywood's attempts at history lessons are usually so rife with ideological sleaze they become either laughable or disturbing (or both). What on earth does this movie have to do with what's going on in Iraq? I put such thoughts out of my mind, and instead tried to switch my brain off and shift into enjoying-watching-stuff-get-blown-up gear.

Here, Billy Bob Thornton plays Davy Crockett, standing tall with his fellow American forces as they attempt - despite the odds stacked ludicrously against them - to maintain their ground against the Mexican forces. In a gripping bit of patriotism, the crew do manage to stave off the bad guys well into the battle. And the battle scenes themselves are jarring to behold. This isn't so much because of any tangible cinematic talent as it is due to f/x advances, so don't thank the director. (Though the press kit does boast that he was actually born in Texas, suggesting this should give the film an added layer of legitimacy.) Sadly, the battle scenes are about as much as this film's got. The performances, by Dennis Quaid and Jason Patric as well as Thornton, feel more like posturing than actual acting. This is one of those movies that begs for DVD viewing, not for the extras, but so you can simply flip ahead to the death and destruction chapters right away.

As for my nagging paranoid Iraq fantasies, I happened to catch Patric on some idiot infotainment show, bringing up the Iraq parallel himself. The lesson this film offers, of course, is that those fine men at the Alamo gave their lives up for freedom, or so the U.S. could appropriate Texas, depending on how you look at it. To anyone else who finds CNN's glib glorification of the Iraq war stomach turning, this film may well have the same effect.

The Alamo opens Friday, April 9

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