M Yes, it has been established that hip hop music does mix, cut, scratch, edit and loop samples from old records. Yet it also lends itself to all past genres of songs that would've otherwise been missed or forgotten by a whole new generation of people coming of age at the end of one millennium and at the beginning of another, summing up the total of the music industry right on time. And influencing a new generation of music while toasting street poetics over beats. Yes, I have studied lots of music and you're right, I haven't picked up a BOOK in a while. But if you study some hip hop music history, like what it's come out of, what it's been through and where it is today, I promise to get back into my books. Thank you. [BLEEP!]

M I'm ranting about all this music crap that's going on these days in the Rant Line™. I think that it's a never-winning argument between musicians and button-pushing techno-people. I'm a METALHEAD and I know damn right that it isn't even worth talking about 'cuz it's just going to start FIGHTS. Although fights are good, I see them all the time. Yeah, that's my rant. [BLEEP!]

M This is a message to all the Montreal creative people. If you're really confident about yourself then you don't have to criticize others. If you criticize others, it's just a sign of insecurity. I'm out. [BLEEP!]

M So yo, when is somebody gonna start a decent funk band in this city?! And I don't mean no lame-ass space funk. I mean the LEGIT real deal. Somebody put some funk! [BLEEP!]

M Guten Tag. The name is Heinrich Himmler and I used to be the leader of a group. I want to say I agree with the anti-30-year-old-musicians-on-welfare gentleman. They're a scourge on our democratic und corruption-free system. They should be lined up and shot, as well, of course, with the Jews, the blacks, and the homosexuals, anyone as long as their name isn't Bush. You sound like you could be a friend, Mr. anti-hopeless-musicians-on-welfare. See you in Hell, ja. Sieg Heil. [BLEEP!]

M Yo, you know what I do when I don't like somebody, I don't talk about them. I don't think about them. So fuck you, you piece of shit. Don't you realize this dissing shit went out mid-'90s? I've been in jail, I've been raped, I'm ugly, I suck dick - you know what I'm saying? [BLEEP!]

M Hi, this is for the 36-and-over crowd. I don't know what people in my age group are doing these days, but it seems like we've either been zapped off the planet or just aren't ranting much about anything. Do any of you feel the same as I do? Get back, all right? Oh yeah, and I went to the Stugotz show. It was fantastic. [BLEEP!]

F After years of laughing at all the fucking stupid people in line at Living, I found myself inside for the Dimitri From Paris show. The music was beautiful and pumping but there were way too many lame short aggressive ugly men everywhere trying to rub their tiny hard-ons against you. However, the night was saved by a really sexy tall francophone, who was such a groovy dancer that none of this mattered. He made me reminisce of my times at Stereo and he gave me a gumball in the coat-check line. Being way too socially retarded to talk to him, I biked home and showered alone, cursing myself. He might be 17 and live on the West Island with his parents or something but I must send out my gratitude to this SLICK DANCER for bringing some class into Living last night. Peace. [BLEEP!]

M I've been living on the Main for more than 10 years now. What's up with the lineup of weekend warriors on the sidewalk? Are the doormen doing their jobs? Maybe the clubs own the sidewalk? We can't walk on St-Laurent anymore unless we start pushing these people into the street so they get hit by a bus. Thanks. [BLEEP!]

M So I call up Bell to change my cell phone package, right? And I've been with them for about one year in my two-year contract at the time that I called. Now towards the end of the two years, I find out that I really have one more year because, by changing packages, I think I've inadvertently locked myself into another two-year agreement. Can they do that? How can they make a verbal agreement over the phone that concerns a few hundred dollars? Shouldn't this be in writing? How can they prove anything? I'm sure the FAST-TALKING CALL CENTRE AGENT said it quickly - that I was re-starting the whole two-year agreement when I made this call a year ago. If someone out there knows about LAW, please rant back. [BLEEP!]

M Look, if you're ignorant enough to piss in public then you're probably too ignorant to understand why doing such is improper. So why bother trying to educate these people? [BLEEP!]

Next issue: Open forum