by KRISTIAN GRAVENOR

For those who fantasize about getting behind the wheel of a police vehicle without going through the trouble of becoming an officer, your dream of owning a former cop car could easily become reality.

One Wednesday every mid-month, behind a sprawling, walled-off city terrain in Ahuntsic, a crowd of 200 bargain hunters follows a big red truck towing an auctioneer down a row of odds and ends previously owned by the city or its deadbeat citizens. Eight massive metal street lamps go for 70 bucks. Five bicycles fetch 80 beans, while a covered collection of hard-to-evaluate office chairs gets bid up to $100. A huge pile of blue gym mats receives no offers.

After the assorted items get gobbled up, a crowd of grease-monkeys and car shoppers will bid on about 30 vehicles in dodgy state of repair. The cars include decommissioned orange Hyundais and Toyotas once driven by ticket-giving "Green Onions," as well as about 10 retired police minivans.

The north side of the lot is reserved for an even dodgier set of wheels - the Denver Boot specials, cars abandoned or seized for unpaid tickets - that require full and immediate payment. Prior to sale the auctioneer names the previous owner and offers him one last chance to derail the sale by ponying up the sum he owes (typically about $800). Nobody ever claims them.

Other than a brief moment where a worker briefly starts the car and pops open the hood, bidders have no idea whether the cars sold actually run. At each car a surging throng of potential purchasers looks for telltale signs, blue smoke, leaking fluids.

Quality questions

Those driving the former cop cars off the lots could conceivably be pulled over and ordered into inspection by real cops. "I'd say that these former police cars are mostly not in good shape, or let's say they no longer correspond to the needs of the force," says Robert Hogue, who's in charge of maintaining police vehicles for the auction .

Many of the 180 former cop cars sold each year (the total police fleet is 975 vehicles) feature smashed windshields and a disconcerting mess in the back. Paint damaged by stripped-off police decals comes with the deal.

Hogue explains that primping the cars for the sale would be an added expense that he doesn't want to budget for. The vans, mostly '99 or 2000 Chevy Ventures with about 140,000 kilometres on 'em (those with lower mileage are often the ones with the more serious problems), have a book value of about $10,000 but often sell for around $3,500 at the sale and come with such customized police peccadilloes like doors that don't unlock from the inside, horns that have been deactivated and the radios ripped out. They have been tuned up every 5,000 kilometres but face repairs that make them no longer cost-efficient.

Many who buy the cop minivans complain that they still have to pay tax on the book value rather than the sale price. Other purchasers have been known to experience delusions of police status and are left constantly wondering if prisoners were tortured in the back area, as this reporter - and winning bidder for a van - can attest.

Luxury cars no more

Sylvain Boulet, who has been running the auction since 1986, says that the eye-popping bargains ended about five years ago when cops started redirecting the fanciest cars to private auctions. "Typically we sell about 30 cars now, but in the past we could sell 100 per sale. They were all types, even Corvettes, Mercedes, Porsches. I'm not allowed to buy anything for myself because I run the auction but back then you'd see some amazing cars sold for very little," says Boulet.

But cars that get peddled off here go cheap. One sporty 10-year-old Mazda went for $1,650. Several '91 Corollas with 120,000 kilometres went for $900.

The comparably-sized Quebec Curator's Auction, in contrast, is reputed to sell fewer but better-quality cars (the curator's sale, which features lots of household goods, takes place at 6546 Waverly, with the next being at Saturday, April 3, 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.)

Those who dream of scoring former police minivans should move fast. "We're buying more cars nowadays," says Hogue, who complains that the Ventures let in too much water.

The next city auction takes place April 14, 969 Louvain E. from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m.