by CHRIS BARRY

Name: Marie-Claude Joron

Age: Under 65

Occupation: Feng shui designer-artist

Bio: This ethereal yet delectable Nuns' Island babe was working in the corporate milieu while pursuing a fine arts degree when first introduced to feng shui all of 10 years ago. Claiming to practice feng shui in a "contemporary way that is in tune with North American reality," for a couple of bucks Marie-Claude will stop by your home or office, get to know you a bit and ultimately make recommendations on how to set up your space so as to maximize positive energy.

Is feng shui something you cough out of your lungs when you have a chest cold? No. It's about "creating a physical environment that supports the spirit and enhances one's motivation to realize one's aspirations."

Does she make her recommendations based on the good word she hears from some higher power? No. "There are elements of feng shui that are intuitive, and I consider myself to be a spiritual person, but most of what I'm doing is quite practical, logical and rational."

Something she promises she won't do: Recommend that you re-design your digs in a Chinese motif, resplendent in its tastefulness via the hanging of Chinese lanterns, paper dragons and the like.

Has she ever been hired by Islamic fundamentalists and had conflicts about where to set up the crapper so as to spare her clients the uncomfortable position of having to poop towards Mecca? Never. "And there are so many variables that, if I were to find myself in this situation, I would be able to work around it. There is never just one way of doing things."

Does she ever walk into the apartments of friends and go, "Holy freakin' doodle, der be some bad energy in this room, you'd better go move that sofa over there immediately or get ready for some serious bad tidings to come your way, mo-fucker?" Not in so many words. "But sometimes I want to. There are some spaces I see that I almost can't believe. Work spaces with neon lighting or bad air, people cramped in corners - there are just so many variables that are so, so bad for how you feel. People think they don't feel it but that's crap. They do. Even if you're not conscious of it, it's still affecting you subconsciously."

How to reach her: www.mcjfengshui.com

Something else she does: Designs and markets furniture and jewellery created "in the feng shui spirit."

What one of her feng shui furniture pieces, a wooden armoire, is called: "Blowing of Wind."

Does she call it that because of a disagreeable fecal-esque odour emanating from the wood of that particular piece? No.

Musical preferences: Stones, Beethoven, Norah Jones.

Fave TV show: Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Last book read: Tree of Dreams, by Lynn Andrews.

Childhood ambition: To become a "true" artist.

Current ambition: To spread the word about feng shui to as many people as possible.

Words of wisdom: "Nothing happens for nothing. Everything is part of the path that will lead you one way or the other."

Comments? dimwit@openface.ca